Some days we all need a little boost of encouragement. I had one of those mornings today. We’re returning from the heat of Phoenix after a brief reprieve in beautiful Sedona. I admit to feeling a bit depressed at the thought of facing 100+ temps and the absence of trees and water everywhere. Instead of being morose, I tried to get lost in the laughter of my girls as they enjoyed a last bit of play before going home.
Enter my two little muffins and a simple phrase that adjusted my attitude.
“May we have some water please, mom?”
I know it may seem strange that this is what encouraged me but hear me out. My girls love water. They have rarely had much else to drink besides delicious fresh goat milk or herbal infusions so they don’t even think to ask for juice or soda unless we’re at a party. And then, they’re used to hearing one word from me.
“No.”
“No” is not always an easy word to say when it comes to nutritious choices for our kids. There were many times when I first became a mom when I caved because I was just tired of fighting not only my daughter but also the adults who were less than supportive of our food choices.
Something happened somewhere along the line and I claimed my authority as a mom. It might have been after a party where I found myself alone and unable to keep track of an active 1 1/2 year old and four year old who was being plied with sugary drinks, cakes and candy at a family party. The after-effects of sugar on the uninitiated was not a pretty sight! After her tantrum, my four year old said, “Mom, you’re right. That was too much sugar. I never want to feel like that again!”
After that, I learned to answer those people who pressured me with comments like, “Mooonnnaaaa, it’s a party!” respectfully but firmly. When my daughter goes to a family party where a well-meaning attendee cuts a gigantic slab of cake for her, I pare it down to a size that won’t result in a gigantic meltdown afterward.
I still hear frequent critiques of Rob’s and my choices to fill our kids with healthier food but I don’t care anymore. They’re our kids and we need to make choices we think are best for them. Our girls don’t feel like they live a life of deprivation. They still get treats but they’re usually high quality, made with the best ingredients. They are learning to make good choices about food on their own. It helps that we actually explain why we make the choices we do about food and encourage our girls to garden, shop and cook with us. They feel like they are part of the process.
Recently my sister reported that on a special “date” they had at the movies, my oldest daughter (who is five), turned down soda even when my sister said, “But it’s a special occasion. It’ll be ok this once.” My daughter answered, “No thanks. Our family doesn’t drink soda.”
“YES!!!!”
If you’re having trouble saying “No.” because you’re discouraged by lack of support or by the possibility your kids might rebel, do it anyway. Enlist your kids to be part of whatever change you’re making. They might resist at first, but your courage, love and persistence will win them. More importantly, you’ll gain confidence from saying “No” to the adults who will learn to respect your decisions as a parent.
Go for it. Just say, “No”!
Yes! Thanks for this reminder that Mom’s the boss and that I know what’s best for my kids. I need to say “No” more often.
While I do not comment on all your posts, I am enjoying reading your blog and the many thoughtful and insightful posts. You write beautifully.
Just wanted to say that I spent many a long years in your shoes, during a time when I was really thought of as “mean mommy” as the risks of poor dietary choices were not really being talked or written about much.
I really attached to one of the statements you quoted. ” but its a special occassion.” Heavy sigh. One day I lost my temper and I had a tempter tantrum of my own and this is the jist of what I screamed about during my tantrum. ( of which I would not claim to be proud of, but, hey, mommy tantrums just happen sometimes).
So, here I am with my third child now, and each child has approx. 10- friends of which they get invited to their birthday parties, new baby showers, etc. So we have now at least 40 parties a year to take my kids to. When they are under 10, I and my other kids all attended each party they went to.
So, we take the 40 birthday parties and events my kids get invited to and we take the approximate 20 adult birthday parties, holidays, etc. a year we go to. Now we have about 70 “special occassions”
And if the kids were to have foods that I did not want them to…. just a little piece…. at each “special occassion”, you can see where I am going with my rant/tantrum.
I would tell myself: What’s a mother to do?
Answer: Stay the course!
Just as I would if any of the kids did something like treat another kid badly, fight, bite, say something mean, throw something, leave another child out, say a bad word, yell in a place they should not, jump on furniture they should not.
Just as I would if I saw danger coming in any way: going toward the deeper end of the pool, running into the street, running up/down the stairs, getting their finger caught in the door, trying to get out of their car seat, jumping off their beds.
And the list goes on and on about the things that I hold near and dear as a mother and as a parent. And the list includes all the big and little things that I, as their parent, want to teach them and expose them to.
I am not dumb. I know we can’t and should not control every aspect of their life. However, very early on, I did realize that my mothering role was a very, very important role and it was up to me to impart discipline, kindness, respect, good healthy daily habits about eating, sleeping, exercise, etc. to my kids.
I am not dumb. I know we can’t control every aspect of their life. However, early on, I did realize that it was my to me to lay the strong foundation which would help guide my children toward becoming happy and healthy and kind and intelligent adults, who as they grew and mature, had the tools to make the decisions that were in their best interest.
I am not dumb. I realize that as parents, our kids model our behavior. And with that knowledge, I realized the utter importance of modeling “do as I do, not only what I say.”
YUP! This is a subject that really hit home. My comments are just the tip of the iceberg, but, alas, this is not my blog, ey!! LOL
Just stay the course and you and your kids will be fine.
xxxxooooo Lori
Ah Lori! I knew when we met that I’d found a kindred spirit. You have been an encouragement to me in more than one way. Thanks for reminding me to stay the course. Love you!!