Pregnancy after Miscarriage

Being pregnant after a miscarriage is very different from just “being pregnant”. In my first two pregnancies, I knew there was always a possibility of a miscarriage but I pushed it from my mind and chose to believe my babies would be healthy. After a miscarriage, that kind of mental discipline is a little harder to find.

There have been times on and off throughout my current pregnancy when I’ve particularly struggled. In my last pregnancy, I was about 11.5 weeks when I miscarried. In this pregnancy, that week just happened to fall during the week my miscarried baby would have been due. Talk about emotional! Other difficult moments happened between nausea and the time when I actually felt the baby moving.

After my initial week of terror at the thought of pregnancy after a scary miscarriage, I settled into an uneasy acceptance of my pregnancy. I chose to push aside terror but found that niggling doubts about the baby’s health still plagued me.

For example, I was reticent to be excited when people asked me about the pregnancy. What if I miscarried this baby too? Should I wait to announce it? Did I really want to have to talk about it if this baby didn’t make it? Were my pregnancy signs strong enough?

Early on, I asked Robert if I seemed different this time than in the miscarried pregnancy. He was unfailingly reassuring. “Oh babe, you are SO emotional this time – like you were with our other kids!” He sounded enthused as he says it. When I doubted that I was nauseous enough, he laughed “You’ve been really sick!” Again with the enthusiasm – over nausea! But, I appreciate his encouragement and love and I am glad to know that sign is so strong. Though, it is hard to think straight or get anything done when I’m nauseous 24/7.

In my doubt, I also reverted to my faith in friendship. We all need friends around us in the good times, the bad times and the in between times. Moments of doubt are the times I need friends to remind me to have faith and enjoy life even when it’s uncertain. That’s why I’m choosing to be honest with you, friends, about how this pregnancy has felt.

I don’t have a neat, tied-up-in-a-bow kind of reassurance for you today. If you’re pregnant after a miscarriage, it’s likely that there will be moments of fear and doubt in the midst of the joy. That’s ok. Pain and doubt are just as much as part of life as joy and certainty. The question is, will we let ourselves be crippled by doubt or hold on to hope in the midst of it?

For today, I will wrap myself in your friendship and choose hope.

I share my story in the hope that it will make you feel less alone. Please pass it on if you know of someone who it might encourage.

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