Tonight I saw a friend who completely disagrees with me on a topic dear to my heart, my choice to give birth at home. It’s not something we can discuss for very long because it is something she’s very passionate about and holds strong feelings against it.
An RN who holds a key position in the Obstetrics department of a local hospital, she has the education to speak to the topic in an informed manner. She also believes strongly in what medical care can offer to women who wish to birth at a hospital.
While I have chosen to birth at home, I also value the importance of an obstetrician when one is needed. After all, I had a rather dramatic miscarriage last year that resulted in severe hemorrhaging. I am grateful that medical care was there when I needed it! I truly love and respect my friend. I simply disagree that every birth qualifies as a medical event.
However, since this friend isn’t the only person in my life who doesn’t understand why I choose to birth at home, I decided to offer a few thoughts on the matter.
I’m not going to quote a bunch of statistics about how home birth is safer than hospital birth. You can find statistics on both sides of the argument that will support whatever position you have decided to embrace.
After having a hospital birth the first time, I wanted to try something different. It wasn’t that I had terrible care, I just felt I might be more comfortable in a different environment. So, I did my research and concluded home birth to be a safe choice for our second birth. The decision was a positive one for both my husband and me. Here are a few of the reasons I love it.
I believe my female body is made to give birth safely and that birth is not an inherently dangerous or even “medical” experience most of the time. My midwife is well trained to recognize warning signs and we have a transport plan in place should we need it.
I love being comfortable in my own space.
I love that I can wear what I want – even if it is nothing.
I love being free to make noise and believe me, near the end, I do!
I love that my midwife respected my wishes not to constantly check the dilation of my cervix in order to give me progress reports that make me feel like I’m not moving fast enough. My hospital birth was very discouraging from this perspective.
I love being able to move around or be still without anyone trying to mess with me in the middle of a contraction – like checking my cervix when I really don’t want to be touched. (Are you getting that this is kind of a big deal for me?)
I love how fast my labor seemed to go at home. Second births are typically shorter but mine also felt less intense. On reflection, I think this is because I was distracted by other things I could do (and did) at home, like clean my kitchen, pick up, eat, and ask my husband to buy oranges from the store so I could make gingerbread cookies. At which point, he questioned whether I was really in labor! Did I make the cookies? Ahem. Well, I was pushing out a baby within about 2 hours of asking for the oranges so… No, silly. haha! But the thought that I was going to make them was a positive distraction.
I love that I can labor in my bathtub. In my hospital birth there were no birthing tubs but my doctor assured me the shower would do the same thing because the shower would relax my nerve endings. Well!!!! I can assure you it is NOT the same thing! Good grief. The anti-gravity affect of the bathtub was a game changer in my second birth. So relaxing. If only I’d had that in my first birth – of a 9lb 7 oz baby!
I love having my midwife in attendance the whole time, encouraging me, monitoring the baby and ensuring that everything is progressing smoothly. This is also Robert’s favorite part. He felt so much more comfortable with my midwife’s attendance at my birth than the doc at my hospital (though the doc was fine). My midwife’s 28+ years of midwife skills and impeccable record are reassuring. She and her apprentice aren’t whipping in and out of my room just to inform me whether I’m dilating fast enough. Their attention is not divided between me and the other patients in their care who may need more attention than me. My midwife and her apprentice watch me – and only me – closely to ensure I’m still feeling strong and that the baby is ok, the entire labor.
I love the constant presence and support I receive at home from people I know well and actually love. For me, nearly a year of meeting with my midwife and her apprentice formed a bond between us that was more than that of a caretaker. That bond helped my midwife to know when I needed that extra encouragement to finish the work ahead of me, “You know, when you decide to get serious about pushing, that baby is going to come right out!” and I trusted her enough to listen. And you know what? She was right!
I love that my baby and I are not exposed to super-germs at home that are often present in the hospital.
I love that no one is pushing me to take drugs to hurry things along or just to prove that I’m not trying to be a hero.
I love knowing that my body has the strength to introduce a new life to the world, without drugs. Regarding people who think women who birth without drugs trying to prove their “heroism”, I have no illusions on this point. Just ask friends who’ve known me for years and remember me losing consciousness whenever I experience something acutely or surprisingly painful (like getting my ears pierced, hitting my elbow on a locker or getting my measles booster shot). I am not joking. I have naturally low blood pressure, so I faint in these situations. It’s always been a source of embarrassment for me! Birth is different because it’s not an acute or sudden pain but more like waves of pressure that increase gradually, making the pain bearable.
I love how fast I recovered from my drug-free delivery. So different from the first time when I felt so disconnected from my baby and almost a little nuts after my epidural. Narcotics and me – Not a good combination!
So, those are a few of the reasons home birth works for me.
Based on my research, I believe there are times that hospital births put babies at higher risk because of unnecessary interventions. That doesn’t mean they can’t be safe. There are also many times OB’s and L&D nurses provide optimum care for their patients and save lives.
In either birthing environment, we can do our best to make wise, informed choices but in the end, the outcome isn’t really in our hands as mothers (or anyone else’s). My own faith in the divine leads me to believe that the best plan is to do the research, commit to a course of action with a care provider who shares our vision and move forward in confidence and without regret.
So friends – if you’re looking for a sermon on home birth from me or you want to feel guilty about your birth choice, you’re not gonna find it here!
How did you make choices about your birth?
I loved reading this, Monna. It’s obvious you don’t have an agenda to push on people, but respect what choices others’ make and feel like you’re doing the very best for your family – perfect.
I had Lincoln in the hospital with an epidural, which I was begging for. I had been in labor since 4:30 that morning and went through the whole day, walking, relaxing, etc. until about 12 hours later when the pain became increasingly worse and much more often. I was admitted and ministered the epi within an hour or so and I had the most pleasant and special experience I could ever have imagined. My nurse was incredible and I never felt any pressure. I remember them telling me there were tubs available, although I never used them. I’m certain every hospital is different too, but I’m so grateful for my experience! Hopefully I will be just as blessed the second time around…
Thanks, Danielle. I really believe that women should be empowered to be educated about their births and then choose what is most comfortable for them and their partners. I am so glad yours went so well!
I am due around April 1st with my first baby, and my husband I are rather looking forward to our planned home birth. I know many people who are terrified of going through labor, but although I know it’s most likely not going to be pleasant, the rebel in me is so glad that I will be in my own environment, without being told what I can and can’t do with my body and my baby. Great post! Thanks!
Lacey – I am excited to hear about your upcoming birth! Wishing all the best to you and your family. 🙂
I have one child with no plans for more. She was born in a hospital based birthing center, by emergency C-section 27 hours after my water broke. I am also a practicing medical provider. I know that I felt as strongly as your friend does when I started my own birth journey. Looking back, I realize that there are two things that make many of us so fearful about birth. First, it’s been medicalized in our society, so we think it’s supposed to be a medical procedure. Second, for those of us with training, we’ve been taught all the things that can and do go wrong, and we are even more convinced of the dangers. Rarely have any of us seen a good home birth, although we hear about those “kooky” or “crunchy” women who do it. My own mother nearly hemorrhaged to death at my birth, so I heard growing up how dangerous birth can be. And I also had my mother tell me that she only got an epidural on the 6th child, and she regrets not having it available for the first 5. These things have an effect on us. But so do stories like yours. So keep telling them. I know if I were to have another child, my choices would likely be very different (although I might still choose to birth in a location with immediate medical intervention available given that mine would be a VBAC). I was too fearful to consider certain things the first time around, although I did insist on a number of things that were unfortunately difficult to enforce in a medicalized environment (like eating and drinking in the early stages of labor and limiting dilation checks) – having to fight for what I felt was important while dealing with being in labor for the first time was not a fun experience, and that alone would create a question about whether a home birth would be more rewarding. I tell you what, I should have thrown a nurse or two out the window – they mean well, but some of them really think it’s about them and what is going to make their day flow easier. One nurse, especially, was a total cow until I was hooked up with an epidural and pit flowing – and then she suddenly thought I was a great patient. Makes me angry just thinking about it. Thanks for your post – very good food for thought.
Amy – excellent points about how being a care provider and hearing the birth stories of family can influence our feelings and fears about birth. My mom was the opposite and gave birth 5 times without epidurals. While she was a great example of healthy birth, she herself had a very hard time with my long first birth and wanted to know why “They haven’t taken this baby out yet!” Ironic, right? LOL. I believe very strongly in educating ourselves as women about birth – in advance – and approaching it without fear. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
Great post Monna! I don’t have any kids of my own yet, but my OB professor in nursing school was a huge proponent of natural births for all the same reasons you stated. I got to follow a family who had an experience similar to yours. First birth was in a hospital, with complications from medications. So they decided to have their 2nd baby in a birthing center with a midwife. I got to be there and it was an aMAZing thing! She pushed out a 9 lb. baby with no episiotomy or tearing…and went home 2 hrs later! We need to remember that womens’ bodies are designed exactly as they should be for having babies. 🙂
What a wonderful experience for you, Amy! I had a friend who was kind enough to invite me to her first birth and I felt amazingly honored by the experience and awed by her strength. Thanks for sharing that story!
I have never had a home birth- but was able to labor naturally at a hospital that allows midwives to deliver at it for both of my children. I too researched and went with what was best for our family. My husband I went through Bradley method classes. Although my first labor was long and tiring I don’t think I was ever scared, bc I knew what was happening with my body! And after doing it the first time, my second delivery seemed so easy (in comparison of course!) bc I knew I could and had already done it once! I agree that every women has to make sure they are informed and not just trust that the doctors know what is best for them.
So true, Roberta. My mom naturally labored at the hospital too – as have many of my friends. So glad your experience was so positive!
LOVE – thanks for sharing Monna!
Exactly how I feel! I've had 3 great/okay hospital births, but I'm ready to experience something different. I'm glad I have a lot of support as far as my choice to have a planned home birth goes.
I wish you and your family the best as you experience your first home birth, Paula. 🙂
Great post. I do think that the “stats” do support home birth if one comes to it from a neutral or open point of view. The stats are important to help people decide if it’s safe for their particular situation (HBAC, etc.).
Hi Hannah – thanks for sharing your post. Great information. I experienced many of the same positive benefits in a home delivery.
Found your new blog site–yay for new! So neat! Had to comment—you KNOW I loved this post!
Great thoughts! -Pauline
Thanks, Pauline. Miss seeing updates on the little house in the desert!