First Time Moms: What to Expect in Your First Labor

As I get ready to give birth again, I’ve been thinking a lot of past labors and how they feel in relation to second and third labors. The first time was SO different from the second both in terms of physical ease and, I think, in terms of knowing what to expect and probably feeling a little less fearful. Since so many of my girlfriends and readers are getting ready to labor for the first time, I wanted to spend a little time talking about this today.

First, it’s really normal and perfectly fine to feel a little fearful of the unknown. Before my first birth, I had some strong opinions about the kind of labor I wanted to have – natural and unmedicated. I wanted to embrace the strength I knew was inside of me, that my mom and grandma and great-grandmother had shown in giving birth. I knew I was joining a sisterhood of women who had done this before me. This strengthened me. I did my research, took a birth class, asked for advice. But…in truth, I was still a little freaked out about the whole, you know, pushing-a-head-out-my-special-place part of childbirth.

The best way to get over fear is to examine it, answer it and move past it. Not only did I face my fear, I  also delivered a 9lb 7 oz baby (yes, out of my “special place”) and learned a few important things about first births in the process. Hopefully, they’ll encourage you!

1.Educate yourself about birth and pick a doctor who fits your philosophy of birth by asking open ended questions. Trust your gut. If you don’t like him or her, switch. Labor is not a time to decide you REALLY don’t like your doc.

2. Pick a hospital with birthing tubs (or, you know, have your baby in your own tub!). Defy gravity in a tub of warm water. If you’re in active labor it will relax you, not slow contractions. You can always get out to birth.

3. Write a friendly (and BRIEF!) birth plan outlining your desired labor for the nursing staff.

4. Lose the term “false alarms” or false labor. Think of those as “warm-ups”. If it’s close to bedtime, have a snack and try to go to sleep. If you can sleep, chances are it’s not time yet.

5. First labors (usually) start slowly. Rarely will the bag of waters rupture all like in the movies while mom falls to the floor wailing in pain. I had several days of contractions where I thought – “This is it!”  – and then things sort of slowed down.

6. First labors can last a long time so mentally prepare for birth to take whatever time it needs. Trust that your body is working just right.  Don’t let anyone pressure you into hurrying. While there are times that induction is appropriate, research seems to indicate that unecessary induction drugs like Pitocin may lead to unnecessary C-sections. Do your research in advance and choose a birth attendant who will respectfully discuss your options with you.

7. Choose your birth team wisely. Hire a doula, a midwife or bring a supportive friend to encourage you and stand up for you during birth. You’ll need the encouragement and your partner will probably appreciate the backup.

8. Stay home as long as you can while in labor if you’re planning a hospital birth. You’ll be more relaxed and you may even progress faster. There are a lot of other things to distract you at home. Once you’re at the hospital, there’s little else to think about other than the labor.

9. Move around as much as possible in labor and if you can, avoid drugs so you can eat and drink in labor. You’ll need the energy.

10. If you get a nurse who you’re not connecting with, politely ask for a new one.

11. Transition is success! If you’re like me and chose the natural route, it might also be entitled the “Holy crap, WHY IN THE WORLD DID I THINK I WANTED A NATURAL BIRTH?” phase of labor. Congrats mom. Remember, if you’re here – you’re almost there. You can do it! You’re close to the finish, sister, so don’t lose heart!

12. The “Ring of Fire” is your friend. It will tell you when to push and when to take a break. Self-directed (rather than doc-directed) pushing will result in more effective pushing and a lowered likelihood of tearing. Don’t hide from the intensity. Dive in and allow it to bring you that much closer to your little one. Reach your hand down and feel for your baby’s head. If you want, have someone place a mirror where you can see your progress.

Girls, don’t freak out about seeing your own vagina. How in the world do you think that baby got there?! You’ll be amazed at the incentive you feel to push if you see a little head making its appearance.

13. Remember – you and your partner are the parents. Unless your baby needs emergency care, you can choose for her to stay with you instead of going to the nursery. (The caveat for this is if you don’t have a private room post birth). When our daughter left the room for weighing or tests, Robert went with her.

A few more thoughts…

As you near birth, something wonderful happens that helps you to overcome your fear (if you’re feeling any). Suddenly, all you can think of is, “GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!” You’re big, unwieldy and (if you’re like me), HOT!! I think this is nature’s way of giving women triumph over fear of labor. Go with it! Just keep in mind that your “due date” – is just an estimate! Some babies just take longer to make their appearance. I have friends who’ve delivered more than once at 42 weeks. Patience. Your baby will know just the right time to arrive.

Before my first baby, a doctor explained something about the pain of labor that revolutionized my thinking. Unlike the acute pain of having surgery or breaking a bone, labor is progressive in intensity ~ almost wavelike ~ in the way it moves a woman toward birth. My doc encouraged me that an epidural is not a necessary part of labor. I really held on to her words as I went into that first labor. It worked. With each increase of intensity, I adjusted!

Early labor is a great time to practice getting used to the “wave” with deep breaths and, if necessary, low vocalizing or moaning. Unlike the high pitched, panicked sounds women in television shows make to highlight the drama of the moment, lower sounds relax the body for delivery. My midwife (who I used for our second birth), encouraged me to visualize large, round openings and to think of each contraction as softening the edges of the openings my baby needed to exit.

Most importantly, regardless of whether you’ve chosen a home birth or a hospital one, be flexible and forgiving about how your birth progresses. While you want to be informed and have a plan, birth doesn’t always go quite as we intend. If yours doesn’t, acknowledge it – and then move on. Be in awe of the powerful and courageous woman – YOU –  who spent nearly a year growing a beautiful life and then  delivered it to the world.

That’s right – YOU delivered that baby, not your doc or your midwife!!

Focus on recovering and enjoying that new baby!

I wish you a safe and happy delivery and many years of joy with the new family member you’re expecting.

For more encouragement, read a few “first births” like Gabi’s birth story or my first birth story.