Pregnancy and birth are two intense experiences in a woman’s life. The power of our bodies to create, grow and deliver a beautiful little life is mind boggling. And our bodies serve up a rather dizzying cocktail of natural hormones to create and sustain that tiny person growing inside us. While on the one hand those hormones prepare us for birth by pushing us into a nesting frenzy and giving us that mama bear protectiveness after birth, they can also leave us reeling with the rapidity with which our emotions can swing from one extreme to another. This can especially happen after everyone stops fussing over you and goes back to “normal” (you’ll never see that again!).
Since those hormone start ramping up from the start of pregnancy to at least the first few months after delivery (and longer if you breastfeed), it’s often hard to tell where the hormones end and where you begin. Looking back at my two post-birth experiences, I remember times I thought I was acting completely rational which I would now categorize as, well, crazy-style! Then there were days when I knew I wasn’t feeling right like the time I visited my OB’s office after my first baby, and began sobbing hysterically when realized I didn’t have my insurance card and the office staff was rude to me. Seriously. Loud – hiccuping – sobs-in-public!! SO embarrassing and so not me.
I soon realized that not only did I feel the “blues” after delivery, I definitely suffered from postpartum depression (both times). And, with each delivery, I felt a distinct change in my emotional and physical health around the two year mark. Thankfully, the first time, despite my having hysterics in public, my OB encouraged me that as long as I didn’t feel I was a danger to myself or my baby, I didn’t need antidepressants. As a mama who really does believe in avoiding pharmaceuticals as much as possible because of potential dangerous side affects, I’m truly grateful to her for her wise help. And, I made some changes to help me get through it.
Motherhood is a major adjustment from pre-baby life. What we might have believed would be hazy days of baby bliss can often surprise us with monotonous tasks (diapers, feedings, naps, laundry and more diapers, feedings, naps and laundry), loneliness and a loss of identity. Where have all your friends gone? What happened to the accomplished woman you believed yourself to be prior to giving birth? No education or previous career experience can quite prepare you for the difficult, wondrous, emotional and amazing gift of being a mom.
Here are some tips that helped me survive – in my new, awesome and most challenging, life role as a mom. (p.s. the rigorous exercise and crazy dancing should only come AFTER you’ve fully recovered from birth). Take it easy, mama. All in good time.
1. Get a little Vit D daily – as in Real Sunshine.
My dad always said that if you’re feeling blue, open the blinds and let the light in. I not only let the light into the house but also go out for 15 minutes and let it shine on my bare skin, touch the ground with bare feet. The brilliance of the light truly illuminates my whole spirit.
2. Get exercise daily.
I’m up at crazy hours with a new baby anyway, right? I try to stumble out of bed and walk up and down my block. Seriously. I don’t have to run a marathon. I just had a baby for goodness sake. I’m taking it ssssssslllllllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwww. And I leave the baby with my partner. I need a break.
3. Take a shower & dress. Every.single.day.
If you haven’t had a baby, you may be saying, “Duh, Mons. Obviously.”
Have I got news for you, sister! Just wait till it’s your turn. Hahaha!! It’s not that easy to shower when you have a 2 1/2 year old running around wreaking havoc while your newborn screams because you’ve put her down for the 45 seconds it takes you to pee. A full two minute shower with a screaming baby seems interminable and not relaxing. At. All.
But I’m learning – to do it anyway. I strap my precious munchkin into the bouncy seat, set it next to the shower and steel my heart against the cries while I lather up and let that hot (or cold) water run over me for two whole minutes (haha! or however long I can stand!). I put on clothes that feel good. I feel like a new woman and my baby is happier too.
3. Connect with other adults besides my partner.
This is so much harder than it seems! There are no end to the reasons not to get out. First of all, gathering the gear to get two small children out of the house, not to mention ensuring they both have clean diapers, is a nearly overwhelming task. I learned to pack my diaper bag the night before and try to have my bottles filled (nope, breastfeeding did not go well for me!). Hot carseats, nap schedules and other stuff get in the way. But, I keep trying! I’m looking for places to talk with adults whether it’s a La Leche League meeting, mother’s playdate group on meetup.com, church, the library or the check out at the grocery store. We need adult interaction and my partner needs a break – no matter how amazing he is.
4. Sleep every chance you get!
Especially after we’ve just given birth, we need to rest and NOT overdo. Our health depends on it. Birth is a big deal! Every more experienced mom I knew has said to me, “Sleep when your baby sleeps.” And, just as many times I probably ignored that advice because I thought I was different. My house needed to be perfect. Boy was I tired! The second time I had a baby, I listened. I’m learning – just go to sleep. The laundry will still need to be folded when I wake up – for the next 18 years. So, I’m gonna relax, get some rest and everything will seem better in the morning.
5. Eat nourishing food and drink lots of water.
Right after having a baby is not the time to start a crazy weight loss plan. I’m learning to relax and recover, eat food that give me strength – veggies, healthy proteins & fats, whole grains, fruit and some dairy. Definitely a little chocolate! I feel way more nourished and up to the task.
6. Listen to music and dance like a crazy, crazy person.
This is actually advice from my first OB. Such great advice. Be silly. Listen to something that reminds me of who I was before I became, “Mama” all day long. Jazz, Rock, Top 40, whatever. I dance around with my hands in the air and laugh at the sight I probably make. My kids laugh too.
7. Speaking of laughing, try it.
Find something that makes me laugh every day. Watch a funny show, read the comic strip, surf Youtube.com. There is something out there that will lift my spirits. Daily assignment!
8. Visit a respected herbalist or acupuncturist for help. A good herbalist can suggest herbs safe for nursing mothers. Acupuncturists specialize in putting bodies and emotions back in balance. I find acupuncture so relaxing, I usually fall asleep during my treatments. Needles, Aaaaahhhh….
If You feel DEPRESSED after having a baby (or anytime!) don’t hide it. Talk to someone who loves you about what you’re going through. Don’t wait till you feel you’re a danger to yourself or your baby. If you are, get help right away. Call your OB. Call your mom or your partner. Get a therapist!!!
Do not be embarrassed! Hormones and lack of sleep can affect our minds in surprising and profound ways.
Whatever our post partum experience, taking good care of ourselves after having a baby is essential to our overall health as moms, partners and whole women. We take care of ourselves to live a whole, healthy life and so we can take better care of our families!