This list is for those women who are recovering from miscarriage (or serious hemorrhage as a result) – and possibly more importantly, it’s for their partners and loved ones.
This month has felt like a roller coaster in some ways and I can honestly say that I would not have emerged as healthily as I have without the encouragement of my friends and family. I don’t want to waste space recounting the original story so you can read it here.
I have simply listed what I felt – and I have decided to categorize it all as normal. I do want to say regarding the “Guilt – was it my fault?” entry, don’t worry about reassuring me. Technically, I know it probably wasn’t my fault but those feelings are a natural and probably necessary part of the grieving process.
These are just some of the things I’m moving through or have already passed.
Recovering from Miscarriage, One Month Later.
I hope this is a help for those of you who are going through this. I will not minimize your pain by trying to make it ok. It isn’t ok. But, know you are not alone and even if I don’t know your name, I am saying a prayer for your healing even as I write these words.
Blessings…Monna
Spiritual
I’ve always believed that women have an incredible intuition and connection to the spiritual world – especially in times of menstruation, pregnancy and the death. As I get older, I find this is true of many of the wise women in my life as well.
Insight can come in the form of dreams that help us to realize something about ourselves, our lives or the person we lost. It can come in the words of a friend, stranger or something we read. It can even arrive through a quiet voice.
In all of the above listed experiences, I have personally received strong insights into areas of personal growth and spiritual understanding. I must add miscarriage to that list.
I received strong intuition the night I miscarried. After I felt the first labor-like pains and passed some blood and tissue, I thought I would try to lie down and rest. But, as I went to bed, I had a strong feeling that I would bleed too much and asked my husband to watch over me because of that concern. I believe it was a message, and one that may have saved my life.
Besides the message during my miscarriage, the last few weeks have been very spiritually eye-opening for me. Those lessons are for my spirit alone to process but I’d encourage you to listen if you’re in any of the above stages. If we desire wisdom, we only need to listen. She speaks loudly.
My suggestions for healing after a miscarriage
Be in the moment you’re in already. If you try to escape it, it will only chase you till you pay attention.
If you are feeling physical pain, acknowledge and deal with it. Meaning, if you need Tylenol (or something stronger), take it. Just be careful not to get dependent on it.
Eat strong, nourishing food and drink lots of water so your body can recover and take a multivitamin at least till you’re done bleeding.
Pamper yourself for a while – new books, pedicure, massage, chocolate. 🙂
REST as much as possible the first few days following a miscarriage – even if you didn’t go through hemorrhage. Miscarriage is a huge loss – for your body and your spirit. You will need rest to recover from the bleeding and to have the strength to deal with the emotions to follow.
Get some sunshine for at least 10 minutes every day. Walking in the sun every day soothed my sore spirit. It gave me hope that life would go on and I would feel normal again.
Allow yourself the chance to be sad or angry. These are normal stages of grief. Cry or yell if you feel it will help. I would suggest not yelling in front of kids (*smile*) but crying is perfectly normal and ok.
For those of you who have children, don’t hide your grief from your kids. Death and loss are part of life. Keep it simple if they catch you in a moment of grief. When my kids ask why I am crying, I answer simply, “I am feeling sad about the baby but I’ll be ok.” Kids are pretty pragmatic. They usually hugged me and return to whatever they were doing.
If you find you’re crying all the time or feeling hopeless or listless, call a friend or, if necessary, a counselor. Sometimes, we just need to hear words of hope or be reassured that what we’re feeling is normal. But don’t wait till you feel desperate.
Let your friends and family help. If they offer meals or babysitter, let them. If you’re feeling worn down and the laundry is unfolded, ask for help or let it wait till morning. You’ll catch up soon.
Find some time alone with your partner and make a real effort to include topics other than the miscarriage. You can still bring it up but you might find it is a relief to your healing heart. Plus, your partner lost a baby too and might need encouragement or a change of topic himself.
Pray, sing, exercise, go out with people who really love you and will allow you to be real with them about where you are.
Recovering Physically from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage
Recovering Emotionally from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage
The loss of a child is so painful and often isolating. I share my story in the hope that it will make you feel less alone. Please pass it on if you know of someone who it might encourage.
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