Yes. I Take Cookies From Strangers

Ok, this sounds kind of strange, I grant you. But it’s true. Tonight I took a cookie from a stranger, something I’ve told my kids never to do. But this cookie had a magical effect on me.

Here’s how it went down.

I was in my favorite local coffee shop, where magical things often seem to happen to me, and I was standing by the counter waiting for a caffeine reboot.

Meanwhile, an imposingly big guy with a gregarious manner was trying to pick a cookie from the amply stocked case. His intensity in deciding this important matter caught my attention, and I laughed when we made eye contact. In the spirit of community, I pointed out one of my favorites. He bought that one – and about 4 others. Then, he started eating one right away and gasped in delight. His excitement was contagious and I found myself laughing again.

He turned to me and said, “Have you had this? You have to taste it.” Before I knew it, part of the cookie was in my hand and on its way to my lips! It really WAS amazing. Chewy and creamy with the perfect hint of coconut. Mmmmmm…

As his 20-something daughter walked up to us and gave me a knowing look over her dad’s enthusiasm, the nameless stranger handed me a second piece of cookie. His daughter snagged the last piece. We shared a conspiratorial laugh fueled by sugar and the late hour. I walked back to my seat, caffeine refill in hand, still chuckling at the exchange. Some people just have a joie de vivre that draws you to them.

I needed the laugh. It’s been a long month.

• Our house has been on the market for a little over a month (Moms, picture keeping it show worthy every day – with small children. Aaaaahhhh!)
• Rob and I took a turnaround trip to perform at a Northrise University fundraiser in Newport Beach. Alas, we never saw the beach! I also left my Giant Baby overnight for the first time and survived.
• Our laundry situation has outgrown our 2.5 ft2 washer. So, I’ve been washing laundry at my mother-in-law’s every day. Imagine how patient, kind, generous, (insert other beaut-i-mous descriptors here) my MIL is to let us do this! Small children generate a GI-NORMOUS amount of laundry! Carting it back and forth daily has been physically exhausting and time consuming.
• Rob’s been out of town twice besides our trip – in Zambia (yes – AFRICA!) to perform at Northrise University’s graduation and again for a staff retreat. So, I got a taste of single parenting. When he was in Zambia, we spoke only twice in 8 days because the wireless situation was dicey. Even texting was minimal. I was exhausted and I missed him SO.DESPERATELY.
• Did I mention that half of us got the dreaded stomach bug that just made the rounds? Ugh. More laundry!

Somewhere along the way, I got a little lost. Again.

Or, if you prefer, I lost my sanity. I hardly had time to go to the bathroom (never alone, of course) let alone work out, write or visit with friends.

The consequence of letting my schedule fill up this much with no break – was me – super crazy style and, finally, HY-STER-ically bursting into tears this week during what was supposed to be a quick phone chat with Rob while he was at work.

Oops!

Robert patiently listened as I cried for a good ten minutes while trying to verbalize my feelings (mostly incoherently). I tried to explain my frustration at feeling like every time I start to get my feet under me with the kids, schedule, life, my feet get kicked out from under me. I’m flat on my behind, again, wondering what happened and thinking “Am I the only one who feels this way?” and “When I am I gonna figure life out once and for all?” Ha!

I felt the weight

• of Parenting without Rob (briefly) and the guilt of feeling sorry for myself when so many women do it alone always.
• of Financial stress as we continue to live on a single, ministry income and wondering if we’re really passionately committed or just foolishly stubborn.
• of Wondering if we are jumping from the frying pan into the fire with the house. We are leaving amazing neighbors, a beautiful home in an incredible neighborhood and fixed monthly expenses.
• of keeping crazy artists’ schedules that limit the time Rob and I see each other. Our conversations become just the business of surviving our schedule/budget/kids & we lose the joy of our friendship.
• of missing my mom & my dad. I ache with their absence.
• of making so many mistakes with my kids as I try to just survive sometimes. I lose my temper when I want so much to respond with love and patience.

I felt alone.

I felt alone because of a daily schedule, centered around small children and solitary tasks, that isolates me. I felt alone because Rob was gone and I desperately missed connecting with him daily. I felt alone because after illness, I didn’t have the energy to plan ahead for friend dates or even call to chat. And I felt alone because I wasn’t comfortable sharing the challenges I was experiencing with other people.

What if they think I’m crazy? What if they reject me? What if I really DO suck at my life?

In the midst of my pity party, something happened to me that seems to happen when I most need it. You see, I sent out a plea for help.  

I prayed a desperate prayer for wisdom and encouragement and friendship.

And, the Divine answered – in the form of conversations with loved ones and not-so-chance meetings with random strangers. Oh, and a good night’s sleep.

• My conversation with Rob helped. Crying is therapeutic and so is communicating your true feelings to your best friend.
• I called a girlfriend and spilled my guts to her. Guess what? She spilled right back! Suddenly, I was no longer alone. We wept together and laughed together and my heart healed a little just hearing her voice.
• I talked to my Real Estate agent, who shares my faith. Her vivacious spirit bolstered my spirits.
• My Mother-in-law reminded me – to count my many, many blessings. As usual, she was right.
• I heard an interview on NPR with Maya Angelou and wept in grief over the tragedies she has survived with such grace and love. My life has been a cake walk compared to hers. I resolved to buck up.
• A young women with a friend and a little girl at the library gave me chocolate. Really. (I swear it isn’t the “GIVE ME CHOCOLATE OR DIE!” shirt I wear daily.) As I wrestled my small brood toward the entrance, this young woman pulled a elegantly wrapped package of chocolate covered strawberries out of a full basket, saying, “My mom works at the library and we made these for the moms there. We have extra. Happy Mother’s Day!”  (Ok, so I didn’t eat the strawberries because I’m a city girl and it freaked me out a little but I do think she was genuinely being nice.)
• Tonight it happened at the coffee shop in conversations with familiar faces and a moment when a random dude offered me part of his cookie in the spirit of enjoying life – without expecting anything in return.

There was a lot of weeping this week.

But in the midst of weeping, I remembered how I’d acquired the power I’d felt a few months ago before the floor slid out from under my feet. It wasn’t just something I mustered alone.

Here is the wisdom and power part.

I am NOT alone. And neither are you. Besides the God who, I believe to be ever-present, a lot of people traveling near us carry the same burdens or different burdens that weigh just as much or more. We only feel isolated because we’re reluctant to BE HONEST and “burden” others with who we are and what we’re experiencing.

The truth is, isolating ourselves strips us of the comfort, wisdom and, yes, power we gain by connecting with others, by SHARING our burdens rather than hiding them.

But it’s not just the bearing of burdens, it’s the sharing of life in general that strengthens our ability to handle all that life has to offer us. Realizing I am part of a larger picture takes the pressure off the “everything is about me” syndrome.

Taking the time to listen to other people and share the good/bad/mundane in their daily experiences and yes, their cookies (Wait. Uh, that didn’t come out right!) puts my own life back in perspective. My heart feels fuller and my life richer each time I realize I am connected to others who are going through the same things as me..

Maybe everybody else already has this down but it’s a lesson I have to keep hearing in different ways as I figure out my life.

It takes courage to put aside the light-infused Facebook photographs and share ALL of me. But I am learning – it’s worth it.

What is your life really like? Are you willing to share?

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