Brussel Sprouts and the Not-So-Thankful Thanksgiving

Monday was a perfect Arizona night. The air was clear and cool and the stars sparkled in the dark sky. But it didn’t feel perfect to me.

I’d spent the entire day trying to make a simple dish of roasted brussel sprouts for our small group “early thanksgiving” celebration. Between laundry at my in-laws (my washer is down), chasing my pre-toddler and keeping track of my nearly 4 year old (aptly nicknamed Destructo Girl), I was lucky to get my brussel sprouts de-stalked and cleaned before I picked up Robert from work at 5. We raced home and he efficiently applied butter, salt and pepper to the luscious looking little balls and put the dish into the oven while I nursed Giant Baby.

When GB had his fill, I headed downstairs to help Rob corral everyone back into their clothes, grab the brussel sprouts and get going. On the way out the door, my heart sank at the sight of our very, very messy and dirty house. Lately, I have felt inadequate to the task of mothering and keeping my home attractive simultaneously.

By the time we arrived at our friends’ home –  only five minutes away – we were 25 minutes late (again) and I was feeling anything but grateful.

But I was exhausted, irritated with myself (and therefore my family) and insecure about the brussel sprouts, which I love but which now stank up the whole car with their cabbage-y aroma. I took a deep breath and tried to push back those insecurities. I smiled at my oldest who remarked that we are always late – as we walked in from the car.

“Hon, we haven’t always been late and we won’t always be late but this is just a bit of a challenging time when our baby is little.”

When we walked into our friends’ beautifully decorated and sparkling clean house, my heart sank.

What a perfect little house. Just right for entertaining the 40+ friends who’d arrived. It was so pretty and clean and so not what my house looked like.

And for a moment, I so desperately missed having a clean, uncluttered house and feeling that I accomplish anything at all in my day, I found tears running down my cheeks.

I went to the bathroom to compose myself.

And I said a quick prayer asking for forgiveness – for being ungrateful.

I thought through the last few weeks and how I’d gotten to the point of feeling so down. Here’s a small rundown.

• In addition to his normal job, Rob’s been prepping for his album release concert. Producing a show like that is no small task.
• Our oldest had a cold, then a small stomach bug.
• Our middle one went to urgent care because she stuck a shell in her ear. (Great, a bill I didn’t need!)
• I had a “discussion” with a loved one who informed me I’m doing a terrible job of mothering my middle child and that she’s manipulative and disobedient. Nice. He yelled at me when I respectfully disagreed and told me I wasn’t listening. I stood strong but it still hurt in that tender spot where we moms wonder if we’re getting it right.
• I nearly cut off the top of my finger in an riveting encounter with our RV gate. (Really? Talk about feeling dumb! Plus, another unexpected bill.)
• Our youngest two kids came down with the nasty cough
• I contracted a brief stomach bug.
• My washing machine broke and fixing it is not in my current budget. Thus, the trip to my mother-in-law’s house (God bless her!) and my feeling like a college student.
• Of course, after a few weeks with sick kids, I’m completely sleep deprived and not as emotionally resilient as I usually am.

Did I mention I have a 7 month old now?

What a cutie. I’m totally in love.

That cutie nurses round the clock and moves at the speed of light with his mad crawling skillz. He’s also pulling up on anything taller than a foot and trying his best to balance without holding on to anything. Which means in our tile & wood floor covered townhouse, I have to follow him around non-stop to protect him from his own ambitions.

You can imagine how much I get done chasing a pre-toddler all day along with an older determined and precocious sibling.

Yeah. Pretty much nothing.

In the best of times, living with a large family in a little townhouse is a lesson in discipline, precision and constant picking up. Just a few too many things out of place and the whole house comes down like a stack of cards. (In fact, there may be a stack of cards thrown somewhere in this mess.)

So, nothing in my life seems to get done at the same time these days.

You know how people sometimes say, “My house is cluttered right now, but it’s clean.”? Well, my house is cluttered and it CERTAINLY isn’t clean!! Right now, it looks like a toy/clothes/dirt bomb went off inside it. Times 3. The toilet might be clean one part of the week but usually not the same time as the rest of the bathroom and definitely not the same time as the living room.

Then, this weekend, a dear friend came to stay – at.our.house. You can imagine how it feels for a type-A mama who was trained by her (also) type A mama to only welcome guests with a clean house – to open her dirty home to someone. All I can say is, our guest is one of the only people I would feel comfortable inviting into our space with it looking like it did. He’s a true friend. If he judges, he keeps it to himself.

Plus, he comes bearing piney flavored libations.

I love piney flavored libations!

So, there’s that. Gotta love a sensitive, fun, pinecone-drink-bearing house guest.

But, regardless of how wonderful your house guest is, when you’re sleep deprived, your finger isn’t working, kids are sick and you’re waiting for the bill all those little things start to add up.

I am living at the intersection of incompetent and un-accomplished.

As I stood there in my friend’s bathroom, trying to lose the red-eyed look (Great! I look like a chipmunk with swollen eyes and cheeks!), I willed myself to pull it together. And, I wished that my mom was still here.
I wanted SO MUCH to hear her say,
” You’re making the right choices to put the kids first and nurse this little guy. The housework will still be there in a few months.”
“You’re a great mom & I’m proud of you.”
“I’m on my way over to hold the baby and watch DGirl so you can get something done!”

I miss hearing her voice and feeling her comforting hug and the feeling that no matter what happens, everything is going to be ok.

But, then I remembered a few other things about the month besides all the things I’m trying to do and am not getting done.

I remembered –

• The kindness of friends who brought dinner over when I cut my finger
• My mil’s open door policy and constant help with my prolific laundry pile
• The kind, wise words of a trusted herbalist who said, “You are a good mom, Monna. You’re doing everything right! Getting sick is just a part of building that immune system.”
• The incredibly fast healing of my nearly-severed finger!
• My father in law’s generous gift so we could have a nice anniversary day with our kids
• My sister who sweetly picks up my daughter from school a few times a week.
• The prayers and encouragement of the friends waiting to eat dinner with me.
• My beautiful, funny, crazy, smart kids and how they make me smile.
• My strong, kind, sexy husband and his incredible friendship.

Especially that last one.

I looked into my face in the mirror and reminded myself of all these things. I’m surrounded with love and help. Time to leave the pity party!

I thanked God for them and adopted what my dad used to call and “attitude of gratitude”. (He was really into positive thinking!)

Did I feel strong and ready to face the world now?

Not really. I felt wiped out and vulnerable – physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t have a lot to give besides thanks at that moment. But, I squared my shoulders and left that bathroom determined to just be in that moment, as I was, and share my life authentically with the friends with whom I’d come to break bread.

And they met me just where I needed them.

One friend saw me trying to put food on my plate with my crazy little baby in his sling trying to grab everything and offered to dish the food for me.

Another long time friend reassured me as a mom and encouraged me to be the mom that DGirl needs.

Another friend whose kids are grown, reminded me how quickly this time passes. She encouraged me not to worry about my house and to keep focusing on my kids.

I relaxed for the hour or so we stayed and when we left early to get our coughing kiddos in bed for a good night’s sleep, I was in a different place.

It was a perfect Arizona night. The air was clear and cool and the stars sparkled in the dark night sky. Just gorgeous.

As we walked to the car together, I realized that burden of needing to have everything together had slipped from my shoulders once again and I laughed at my kids antics.

My house is still dirty (though I did get the kitchen and floor scrubbed this morning – MIRACLE!). The laundry is still a giant mess. Two of my kids are still coughing at night.

In short, my life is still not perfect or completely balanced. I expect it never will be.

But that’s ok. Even though I’ll never get it all right at once, I am learning to embrace grace – thanks to my husband and kids and the friends and family who have filled in the blanks for me lately.

I’m so thankful.

What are you thankful for this thanksgiving? Please share in the comments. 🙂

p.s. Everyone loved the brussel sprouts. There wasn’t a leaf left! Here’s the recipe.

Roasted Brussel Sprouts

Preheat oven to 400° F.

1. Clean and chop brussel sprouts in half (I used a whole stalk)

2. Toss in melted butter and salt and pepper to taste.

3. Place on large buttered cookie sheet or in large buttered baking dish.

4. Roast in oven for 35-40 minutes until soft. I like mine to have a little roasted browning.

5. If desired, shave a little fresh parmesan over the tops.

Serve immediately.