Pastry and a Pact

Today, I visited a coffee shop to eat this delicious brioche – and ended up with a lot more.

Being a stay at home mom is a financial sacrifice for many of us and it can even be a little scary sometimes, especially when unexpected bills pop up. Last year was like that for us. Rob was bitten by a brown recluse and required a few doctor visits. DGirl put a shell in her ear (why? WHY?) and required urgent care to extract it. Then I slammed my finger in our RV gate and nearly cut it off. So I have ER and surgeon’s bills now.

When stress is high and financial uncertainty looms, how does a girl with kids keep from freaking out besides deep breathing and a lot of prayer?

I’ll tell you how. She makes a pact with a near stranger to be back up in case of financial disaster. As in, if financial collapse strikes – I’ll take my family to live at her house and vice versa.

Really.

I’m not kidding.

And, I’m not crazy.

Well, maybe a little but it’s mostly the sleep deprivation. 😉

Here’s how it happened.

This morning as I grabbed a coffee at my local coffee shop before sitting down to write, I ran into a woman I met at the coffee shop a few years back and with whom I felt an instant connection. She’s brilliant, an engineer and a mother. We connect over coffee from time to time and she’s always a breath of fresh air but we’ve never tried to move our friendship past friendly and sometimes passionate coffee shop convos. She’s my “coffee shop friend”.

Today we caught up on our kids and talked about everything from fertility to Arizona’s foster care system. Then our conversation moved to education and then into something very different.

Some of the schools in our area are moving to a rigid, recess-free type of education. While many of the educators I know are horrified by this move, some parents (not all) applaud it. The thinking is that packing more “knowledge” into our children’s days will make them smarter and more likely to attend an Ivy League university and somehow secure their futures. (Oy. Another topic for another time.)

But the economy and job market have changed a lot in the past ten years. Financial security is a lie. Markets crash, jobs dissolve and the unexpected happens. What do you have left if your life doesn’t go as planned?

My coffee shop friend shared that there’s been a shift her own family’s life with regard to careers and income. Her husband’s income has gone down and hers has gone up. It wasn’t the career path either had expected.

Then she said something that struck a chord.

She said, “I don’t know what the future holds. A year from now, we might be in a one bedroom apartment or we might be in a mansion. Both seem equally possible. But what I do know is, my husband and I will love each other and be married. I do know our kids will be with us. I know I’ll come here and get my coffee and be part of this community.”

Her words resonated with me because they express my own heart. Ok, maybe not the part about having a mansion – but everything else.

I value above all else – my lover, our children and our connection to a larger community of both our family, friends and Phoenix. They are the people with whom we’ve chosen to share life.

I said as much to her. And I added,

“Rob and I joke that even if we had to live in a cardboard box, it would be ok because we’d be together.”

I don’t believe that would ever happen. We have friends and family here.

But her response took me by surprise.

She looked at me intently and said –

“You’ll never live in a box. If anything happens to you, you and your family have a home with me and mine.”

It wasn’t just an impulsive slip of the tongue. In a gesture of seriousness, she said, “Let’s make a pact right now. If anything ever happens to you, you have a home with me – and I will do the same for you. I’ll give you my number and you give me yours.”

And right then, we made a promise to each other that we meant. If she and her family are ever in need, I will be there for her. We moved our friendship past coffee shop friends to – something far more profound.

Think about it for a moment.

A near stranger at a coffee shop – genuinely offered me shelter and, in essence, hope should my family fall on hard times. Does that boggle your mind? Seem unreal?

There are so many times in the past that I’ve thought the problems in our world – violence, abuse, orphaned children, poverty – seem so overwhelming I haven’t believed that my actions can really change anything. But what would the world look like if each of us as individuals willing to put our resources at the disposal of one family in need?

I’ve come to believe this is the way we can really change the world. I may not be able to save everyone, everywhere. But I can make a difference within my small sphere of influence.

Not by the power of political policy or institutions, though they have their place, but by my determination to live a life of compassion, grace and generosity.

One person, one family, one coffee-shop-friend pact-making-relationship at a time.

To me, this is the meaning of community. That’s why I’m always encouraging the support of local businesses. People tend to create habits that result in meetings with strangers that lead to friendship and a sense of connection that doesn’t allow people to fall through the cracks.

Today, one less family has the chance to fall through the cracks if something goes wrong for them.

My coffee shop friend and I have finally moved our relationship to the next level.

What do you think? Do you have friends who have your back? How do you build those relationships?

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