All posts by Monna

Feb 22
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A Miscarriage and an Unexpected Turn of Events, part 1

By | Miscarriage | 23 Comments

***If you are faint of heart, this may not be a post for you. It contains frank and graphic descriptions of blood and loss. ***

February 2011

Up until last week, my family and I were happily anticipating the opportunity to announce the impending arrival of our third little one. We wanted to wait till I was a little further along to let everyone know – though close friends were aware of our news.

Miscarriage is not a word any family expecting a baby wants to hear. And, unfortunately, my news today is not the happy announcement I was planning.

This is a very personal story for me – and part of me wonders whether or not I want to write about it. But because so many people have expressed their love and concern and because so many have said that this is a silent pain that many women carry, I am going to open my heart and hope that you will treat it with tenderness.

Losing a child – at any stage – is terribly sad. It should not be something we carry silently. Women (and men and families) who have experienced it need a way to mark their loss and they need the support of loved ones and the hope of encouragement.

Last week, I shared that we had a long week of sick kids and restless nights. Thursday and Friday, I found myself encompassed by a powerful feeling of grief, accompanied by uncontrollable weeping. At the time I thought it was the long week – but Friday morning, it occurred to me that the baby might not be ok.

I pushed the thought aside and chalked it up to stress. In retrospect, I wonder if my body was not giving my spirit a little insight into what was coming. Saturday, I took the girls on a little hike just to get us out of the house and to give me a little perspective.

Sunday afternoon, I began spotting. I don’t believe the sick kids or long nights were the cause of this – but it does explain why I felt so absolutely exhausted. I grounded myself on the couch and Rob came home early from church to help me get the girls to bed.

Knowing that spotting in early pregnancy doesn’t always mean a miscarriage, I chose to rest and to talk to my baby. I expressed my love and deep desire to meet him or her and hoped for the best. But, as I continued to have light spotting Monday and Tuesday and the color changed from pink and brown to red, I found tears springing into my eyes more frequently and felt a certainty (that I tried to ignore) that the baby was saying goodbye.

My midwife came by to check on me Tuesday and sat with me for a while to make sure I was ok. She also let me know what to expect if I did miscarry. Rob and several of my sisters were present throughout the day and took the kids out for a few hours.

A few close friends kept in touch, knowing what was happening. Tuesday night, I spoke with a wise friend of mine, Lisa, who encouraged me to continue to rest and hope for the best but to call 911 if I began to bleed too much that night.

After visiting with Pam, Lisa and my family, I needed some time outside. I headed outside with the kids and lay on a blanket under my favorite pine tree. As I lay there, feeling the throbbing life beneath me, breathing in the piney scent and listening to my children squeal and giggle in play, the synergistic dance that life and death do seemed to swirl before my eyes.

I’ve sensed that swirling dance before. I may not have heard a voice state what was to come but I felt a profound sense of peace fill me.

Instead of racing to find an herb, a drug, a cure for this moment, I let go of my need to fix it and just settled into that moment. The pine scent, the cool earth, the laughter and the sorrow – were all part of it.

Then, I cradled my womb in my hands and told our baby, “We love you and want to meet you – but if you need to go, it’s ok. We will always be your mom and dad and we’ll see you again some day.”

We went back inside and I quietly made my way to bed, in peace.

A Miscarriage and an Unexpected Turn of Events, part 2.

The death of a pre-born baby can leave us feeling isolated. I shared my experience in the hopes that it will help other women know they aren’t alone. If you know someone who would be encouraged by this post, please share it.

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Feb 15
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Teary Parsnip Pie, Recipe for Disaster

By | Honest Mothering | 4 Comments

Did I already mention last week was a long one? Well, in case you missed my previous post, my girls were sick early in the week so I spent a lot of time playing nurse and cleaning up after everyone. By Thursday night, we were sorely in need of a trip to the grocery store because the cupboard was pretty bare. I considered dragging my recovering two year old out to buy a few things but she was so tired, I just couldn’t do it. An early nap won.

Maybe I made the wrong choice because things sorta went south from there. I knew my husband had a producing gig that night and I planned to make dinner early so he could eat and run. When I took stock of the bare cupboards, I found carrots, potatoes, parsnips, greens and a little leftover hamburger. Perfect. Pot pie would probably work. I had just enough butter for a crust. So, I made the crust, popped it in the fridge and started working on the veggies.

But, when I took out the back of potatoes, which I’ve always kept in a cool, dry cupboard (like my mom did), I found a roach running around in the bag. Now, girls and boys, I’m pretty cool in a real crisis – like the time our car was stolen from behind our house and we watched it drive away. But put a roach in front of me and I will totally l-o-s-e it. Which is exactly what I proceeded to do, especially because I’d already put-my-hand-in-the-bag when I found the roach! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

What if the roach had POOPED on my potatoes? The potatoes had to go. Since I didn’t want the creepy little crawly to escape and run into the dark reaches of my cabinets, I stood there holding the bag for a few seconds while doing a terrified dance around the kitchen – shrieking for my four-year-old to come help me. That’s right. I’m admitting it. My four year old had to rescue me from my own ludicrous terror.

“Mom!!! What is it?!!” shouted my little would-be-savior.

“Ah!! A roach is in the potato bag! A roach is in the potato bag!!” (eloquence disappears when terror hits)

AH!!!” responded an equally freaked out four year old.

“Quick, open the garbage can!” I shouted.

She opened the can and I threw the potato bag inside the garbage, tied the larger garbage bag around it and ran for the door so I could put it outside for Rob to deal with when he came home. Very unfeminist of me.

Then, we slammed the door (like the roach was going to tunnel through two plastic bags and come after us) and stood there huffing and puffing excitedly while we danced around shrieking.

“I hate cockroaches!!”  I shouted. I felt like there were roaches crawling all over me.

“Me too!” she shouted back. And she danced around like she felt the same way.

After we calmed down, I went back to the kitchen, looking around me for any signs that cockroaches were going to come pouring out of my cupboards. Then, I realized I was acting insane and resumed cutting up the veggies that hadn’t been pooped on by gross bugs. Then, it occurred to me that I really needed those potatoes for my pot pie. My uber-frugal grandmother and mother would have been horrified to see me throw out a partially full bag of potatoes. After all, they grow in the ground, where bugs crawl all over them before they even get to my pantry.

I wish I could say I went outside, saved the potatoes and made a killer pot pie. Because potatoes would have balanced the carrots and parsnips perfectly. Instead, my worn out brain said, “Nope. I’m sure parsnips, carrot, onion and meat pie will be just fine.” Meanwhile, my girly emotions said, “This pie is going to suck.” Then, my two year old woke up and decided to use me as a jungle gym from which she could grab at the pie dough (which I was simultaneously trying to roll out). Between the roach dance and the pie grabbing, I realized there wasn’t enough time to back a full pot pie so I switched to empanadas.

Have you ever tried to roll out empanadas with a two year old grabbing the dough straight off the cutting board? I confess I lost my cool at this point. I was so tired from taking care of everyone else without a break for so long. I could barely stand. I still had the creepy feeling that cockroaches must be roaming my kitchen freely if I found one in my potatoes. I felt incompetant because I hadn’t planned my grocery menu better (an unreasonable expectation since I’d not left the house in 4 days!) and hated that I was too cowardly to face the cockroach to rescue my potatoes. My little monkey was grabbing the few bits of food I had left on the board for our dinner and considering I didn’t actually want parsnip pie for dinner anyway, I can honestly admit I really didn’t want snotty parsnip pie for dinner.

My patience reached its end. I am ashamed to admit I shouted, “NO!!! Stop grabbing the dough!!” At a two year old. Who wanted to “help” mommy.

She burst into tears. And so did I. I gave up on the pie, picked her up and sat down with her, both of us blubbering profusely. She – because I hurt her. Me – because dinner was going to suck and most of all – because I was being a jerk.

It was this amazing reality that my cyclist husband rode into that evening. A partially made (sure-to-taste-crappy) dinner and two of his girls in complete emotional disarray.

He quickly rescued us by taking our two year old on an adventure to the water store while I finished making dinner and pulled myself together.

And, when Dad and baby returned, she’d forgotten all about my horrible moment of rudeness and laughed and played with me.

The empanadas tasted weird but Rob ate them valiantly and pronounced them delicious. I knew he was lying because the girls wouldn’t eat them. They ate bread and jam for dinner. Yep.

I know there will be days like this. There are a few things I need to learn. Like how to keep my cool when I’m tired and things aren’t going my way. I hate hurting the people I love.

One thing, for sure, I will do differently.

I’m keeping my potatoes in the fridge from now on.

Feb 11
0

Local Last Minute Fun For This Weekend – Feb 12, 2011

By | Local Phoenix | No Comments

This was a long week for us. My girls were sick at the beginning and I’ve spent the last few days cleaning up from the fallout of not doing any housework during sick people time. It seems like laundry and dirt explodes when my family is sick! Then, today – as I was working on my already – last – minute – links, my still recovering two year old asked, “Mommy will you hold me while I sleep?” What do you think I said?

Since I know some of you had a similar week but will be ready to get out in the fresh air this weekend, I couldn’t let the Valentine weekend pass without listing a few fun things/places to see. Keep it local! You’ll be surprised how much fun it is.

Chakra 4 Herb and Tea House Chocolate Festival – Feb 12 from 11:00am – 6:00pm

4773 N 20th St, Phoenix, AZ, 85016-4706 · Get Directions

Several of you are familiar with one of my favorite shops in town. We visit Chakra 4 for many of our herbal needs – to stay healthy. But, they also have a great little cafe and hold fun events like this one for Valentine’s Day. If you haven’t had their chocolate, you are really missing out! For more info on Chakra 4, visit their Facebook page: Chakra 4

Central Phoenix Seed Swap Feb 12th from 1 to 3 PM
Downtown Phoenix Public Market – inside the store by the front windows, 721 North Central Ave, Phoenix
For those of you interested in gardening, this is a great opportunity. Get seeds for free!! Even if you don’t have seeds to share, you’re invited to participate in this event.

Cibo Pizzeria – Regular hours on website
603 N. 5th Avenue Tel. 602-441-2697
Located in a charming downtown bungalow, Cibo serves deee-licious artisan pizzas, great salads and antipasto. I especially love that their crusts are not so bread-y they take away from the flavors on top. I’ve had several of their pizzas and have never been disappointed. And, I have to be honest. At this point in my life, I’m not so into the ultra dark spaces that are usually considered “romantic”. Usually, for my husband and I – that’s a recipe for falling asleep by dessert. This space has a nice ambience but enough energy and movement going on that you’ll stay awake through dinner and maybe even make it through dessert! Their patio is lovely in a garden-like atmosphere usually sports outdoor heaters in cooler weather. If you’re looking for reasonable prices, a casual atmosphere and delicious food to celebrate your love this weekend, Cibo’s is a great pick.

Central Slope – This weekend!
8801 N. Central Ave (Central just south of Dunlap)
Since I’m on a roll with businesses beginning with C, here’s another. Central Slope is a great, locally owned business that features locally made green goods. This is right up my alley. It’s a wonderful place to find a locally made present for your loved one this weekend and features items for the home (think design) or the body – local jewelry or body care by Zaaina Skincare. Zaaina is offering a buy 1, get one 50% off this weekend. Also, if you spend $30 or more at Central Slope this weekend, you’ll get a handmade designer jewelry set.

The Garage by Ivy / Juju’s Tutu’s and Invu Photography Valentine’s Day Grand Opening
February 12 · 10:00am – 5:00pm
5202 N 7th Street
This weekend, visit the grand opening of the above shops’ location. These are some seriously talented people! Here, you can find artistically designed floral arrangements (check out their website gallery!), incredibly cute girly tutus and a photographer to document the occasion (you need an appointment but you can always check them out first!), this is a great one-stop-shop. I happen to know one of the amazing women who run this shop – and can say you’re also supporting at least one local mom.

All these businesses are locally owned AND feature items made by other local artists or business owners. Remember that when you spend money at a locally owned business rather than a big box store or chain restaurant, more of that money goes back into improving the health of Arizona’s economy. If you can’t make it this weekend – support them in the next few months!!

Besides, these are all great businesses and offer high quality food or services. Go out and meet your neighbors. It’s going to be a beautiful weekend!