All posts by Monna

OM Cafe’s Medicine Pantry: What to Do if You Wake Feeling Congested

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My previous post was on staying healthy. But even the most careful of us succumb to that winter cold from time to time.  Here’s what we do to recover fast.

1. Rest! You knew I was gonna say this right? When my kids or husband show signs of illness, I send them to bed for naps or early bedtime. Sometimes, we avoid illness completely with a few extra zzzzzzzzz’s. This is not a time for a ten mile run!

2. Moisturize. As in, sinuses and lungs. I make my kids take 2 (short) steamy showers a day when they’re congested before putting them back into bed. We shut the door and steam up the room. Then, I encourage them to breathe deeply and get that steam into their nasal passages and lungs. A cold mist humidifier is another great tool once they’re back in bed. And for mom or dad, a warm washcloth on a congested head or cheek sometimes works wonders. I don’t recommend it for kids.

3. Saline. Neti pots or even sprays like Simply Saline (no preservatives) are great solutions to both moisten the nasal passages and kill bacteria that leads to more serious problems like sinus or ear infections.

4. Extra fluids.  Extra fluids are imperative when the body is fighting off illness. I push liquids like a drug kingpin when my family is sick. And, while I encourage water, sick days are a time I like to boost my family’s liquids with extra nutrients. Here are a few favorites:

  • Lemonade – Lemons contain Vitamin C and won’t create extra congestion like orange juice will. Simple squeeze a fresh lemon into 2 cups of water (more or less to taste) and add some raw honey or maple syrup. I’m not talking about Aunt Jemima’s corn syrup stuff, people!!! Use real maple syrup.
  • Cherry Cough Stop TeaIf you want to get fancy about your drinks, this is a great one! I posted it previously after compiling from several similar recipes.

5. Echinacea tincture. Available at local health food stores – tinctures are simply the properties of herbs extracted into a liquid medium like glycerin, vinegar or alcohol. We only use a few drops of the tincture at a time and drink at regular intervals till we see improvement.

6. Vicks. Yep. It’s an old remedy but it works. Our kids have very sensitive skin so we use it on the bottoms of their feet and cover with old socks rather than rubbing it on their chests. It still works! I know purists won’t like that it contains petroleum jelly but for mainstream parents it’s more natural than a lot of other options.

7. Eucalyptus essential oil.  Place a few drops (seriously, not more – it’s strong!)  in a humidifier or even on an old rag near the bed for surprisingly powerful lung and nasal passage opening action! If the eucalyptus is too strong, adding a few drops of lavender will balance out the scent.

DO NOT leave Essential oils ANYWHERE that a child can access them. Essential oils are the most concentrated and therefore, most dangerous version of herbs. Treat them like the powerful medicines they are and don’t leave them anywhere your kids can reach them!

8. Avoid over the counter medications like cough syrup and decongestants. We haven’t ever used these with our kids. These medications often contain dyes or ingredients we don’t want our kids to ingest. They also mask the symptoms of illness and create a false sense of “health” that encourages the user to keep working instead of resting and kicking the sick bug. Result? Longer illness cycle. Just GO TO BED!

9. Elevate! This one is from my mom. When we had coughs as kids, she’d have us sleep a little more upright – with pillows or lifting the mattress a bit. It works!

Can’t imagine life without your cough medicine? Do an experiment. PUT DOWN the cough medicine and use old fashioned common sense instead. It might take your body a few cycles of illness to figure out what to do but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel after a while! Plus, think of the money you’ll save not buying that stuff!

You’ve heard me say it before and you know I’ll say it forever. The best remedies to get healthy and stay healthy are rest and nourishment! Don’t look for ways to mask your symptoms. Symptoms are your body’s way of telling you what is wrong and what you need to do to get better. Some of these tips seem so very elementary and non-magical but when we follow them at our house as soon as we feel sickness coming on, it’s only at our house for a day or two versus dragging on for weeks. Sometimes the simplest remedies are truly the best.

Give it a try and be well!

 

*As always, I’ll remind you that I am not a doctor.  These are common sense remedies I use for my family, especially because they support the immune system rather than simply masking the symptoms of illness. I have taken the time to research any herbal recipes carefully myself and have consulted with my local herbalist and doctor. I encourage you to always do the same before choosing to take or administer any kind of remedy, whether herbal, prescription or off the shelf at a local drugstore.**

Brussel Sprouts and the Not-So-Thankful Thanksgiving

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Monday was a perfect Arizona night. The air was clear and cool and the stars sparkled in the dark sky. But it didn’t feel perfect to me.

I’d spent the entire day trying to make a simple dish of roasted brussel sprouts for our small group “early thanksgiving” celebration. Between laundry at my in-laws (my washer is down), chasing my pre-toddler and keeping track of my nearly 4 year old (aptly nicknamed Destructo Girl), I was lucky to get my brussel sprouts de-stalked and cleaned before I picked up Robert from work at 5. We raced home and he efficiently applied butter, salt and pepper to the luscious looking little balls and put the dish into the oven while I nursed Giant Baby.

When GB had his fill, I headed downstairs to help Rob corral everyone back into their clothes, grab the brussel sprouts and get going. On the way out the door, my heart sank at the sight of our very, very messy and dirty house. Lately, I have felt inadequate to the task of mothering and keeping my home attractive simultaneously.

By the time we arrived at our friends’ home –  only five minutes away – we were 25 minutes late (again) and I was feeling anything but grateful.

But I was exhausted, irritated with myself (and therefore my family) and insecure about the brussel sprouts, which I love but which now stank up the whole car with their cabbage-y aroma. I took a deep breath and tried to push back those insecurities. I smiled at my oldest who remarked that we are always late – as we walked in from the car.

“Hon, we haven’t always been late and we won’t always be late but this is just a bit of a challenging time when our baby is little.”

When we walked into our friends’ beautifully decorated and sparkling clean house, my heart sank.

What a perfect little house. Just right for entertaining the 40+ friends who’d arrived. It was so pretty and clean and so not what my house looked like.

And for a moment, I so desperately missed having a clean, uncluttered house and feeling that I accomplish anything at all in my day, I found tears running down my cheeks.

I went to the bathroom to compose myself.

And I said a quick prayer asking for forgiveness – for being ungrateful.

I thought through the last few weeks and how I’d gotten to the point of feeling so down. Here’s a small rundown.

  • In addition to his normal job, Rob’s been prepping for his album release concert. Producing a show like that is no small task.
  • Our oldest had a cold, then a small stomach bug.
  • Our middle one went to urgent care because she stuck a shell in her ear. (Great, a bill I didn’t need!)
  • I had a “discussion” with a loved one who informed me I’m doing a terrible job of mothering my middle child and that she’s manipulative and disobedient. Nice. He yelled at me when I respectfully disagreed and told me I wasn’t listening. I stood strong but it still hurt in that tender spot where we moms wonder if we’re getting it right.
  • I nearly cut off the top of my finger in an riveting encounter with our RV gate. (Really? Talk about feeling dumb! Plus, another unexpected bill.)
  • Our youngest two kids came down with the nasty cough
  • I contracted a brief stomach bug.
  • My washing machine broke and fixing it is not in my current budget. Thus, the trip to my mother-in-law’s house (God bless her!) and my feeling like a college student.
  • Of course, after a few weeks with sick kids, I’m completely sleep deprived and not as emotionally resilient as I usually am.

Did I mention I have a 7 month old now?

What a cutie. I’m totally in love.

That cutie nurses round the clock and moves at the speed of light with his mad crawling skillz. He’s also pulling up on anything taller than a foot and trying his best to balance without holding on to anything. Which means in our tile & wood floor covered townhouse, I have to follow him around non-stop to protect him from his own ambitions.

You can imagine how much I get done chasing a pre-toddler all day along with an older determined and precocious sibling.

Yeah. Pretty much nothing.

In the best of times, living with a large family in a little townhouse is a lesson in discipline, precision and constant picking up. Just a few too many things out of place and the whole house comes down like a stack of cards. (In fact, there may be a stack of cards thrown somewhere in this mess.)

So, nothing in my life seems to get done at the same time these days.

You know how people sometimes say, “My house is cluttered right now, but it’s clean.”? Well, my house is cluttered and it CERTAINLY isn’t clean!! Right now, it looks like a toy/clothes/dirt bomb went off inside it. Times 3. The toilet might be clean one part of the week but usually not the same time as the rest of the bathroom and definitely not the same time as the living room.

Then, this weekend, a dear friend came to stay – at.our.house. You can imagine how it feels for a type-A mama who was trained by her (also) type A mama to only welcome guests with a clean house – to open her dirty home to someone. All I can say is, our guest is one of the only people I would feel comfortable inviting into our space with it looking like it did. He’s a true friend. If he judges, he keeps it to himself.

Plus, he comes bearing piney flavored libations.

I love piney flavored libations!

So, there’s that. Gotta love a sensitive, fun, pinecone-drink-bearing house guest.

But, regardless of how wonderful your house guest is, when you’re sleep deprived, your finger isn’t working, kids are sick and you’re waiting for the bill all those little things start to add up.

I am living at the intersection of incompetent and un-accomplished.

As I stood there in my friend’s bathroom, trying to lose the red-eyed look (Great! I look like a chipmunk with swollen eyes and cheeks!), I willed myself to pull it together. And, I wished that my mom was still here.
I wanted SO MUCH to hear her say,
” You’re making the right choices to put the kids first and nurse this little guy. The housework will still be there in a few months.”
“You’re a great mom & I’m proud of you.”
“I’m on my way over to hold the baby and watch DGirl so you can get something done!”

I miss hearing her voice and feeling her comforting hug and the feeling that no matter what happens, everything is going to be ok.

But, then I remembered a few other things about the month besides all the things I’m trying to do and am not getting done.

I remembered –

  • The kindness of friends who brought dinner over when I cut my finger
  • My mil’s open door policy and constant help with my prolific laundry pile
  • The kind, wise words of a trusted herbalist who said, “You are a good mom, Monna. You’re doing everything right! Getting sick is just a part of building that immune system.”
  • The incredibly fast healing of my nearly-severed finger!
  • My father in law’s generous gift so we could have a nice anniversary day with our kids
  • My sister who sweetly picks up my daughter from school a few times a week.
  • The prayers and encouragement of the friends waiting to eat dinner with me.
  • My beautiful, funny, crazy, smart kids and how they make me smile.
  • My strong, kind, sexy husband and his incredible friendship.

Especially that last one.

I looked into my face in the mirror and reminded myself of all these things. I’m surrounded with love and help. Time to leave the pity party!

I thanked God for them and adopted what my dad used to call and “attitude of gratitude”. (He was really into positive thinking!)

Did I feel strong and ready to face the world now?

Not really. I felt wiped out and vulnerable – physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t have a lot to give besides thanks at that moment. But, I squared my shoulders and left that bathroom determined to just be in that moment, as I was, and share my life authentically with the friends with whom I’d come to break bread.

And they met me just where I needed them.

One friend saw me trying to put food on my plate with my crazy little baby in his sling trying to grab everything and offered to dish the food for me.

Another long time friend reassured me as a mom and encouraged me to be the mom that DGirl needs.

Another friend whose kids are grown, reminded me how quickly this time passes. She encouraged me not to worry about my house and to keep focusing on my kids.

I relaxed for the hour or so we stayed and when we left early to get our coughing kiddos in bed for a good night’s sleep, I was in a different place.

It was a perfect Arizona night. The air was clear and cool and the stars sparkled in the dark night sky. Just gorgeous.

As we walked to the car together, I realized that burden of needing to have everything together had slipped from my shoulders once again and I laughed at my kids antics.

My house is still dirty (though I did get the kitchen and floor scrubbed this morning – MIRACLE!). The laundry is still a giant mess. Two of my kids are still coughing at night.

In short, my life is still not perfect or completely balanced. I expect it never will be.

But that’s ok. Even though I’ll never get it all right at once, I am learning to embrace grace – thanks to my husband and kids and the friends and family who have filled in the blanks for me lately.

I’m so thankful.

What are you thankful for this thanksgiving? Please share in the comments. 🙂

p.s. Everyone loved the brussel sprouts. There wasn’t a leaf left! Here’s the recipe.

Roasted Brussel Sprouts

Preheat oven to 400° F.

1. Clean and chop brussel sprouts in half (I used a whole stalk)

2. Toss in melted butter and salt and pepper to taste.

3. Place on large buttered cookie sheet or in large buttered baking dish.

4. Roast in oven for 35-40 minutes until soft. I like mine to have a little roasted browning.

5. If desired, shave a little fresh parmesan over the tops.

Serve immediately.

I Need Your Help

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This month I expanded on my plan to open the conversation at the OM Cafe to more voices. This will continue to be part of the way I do things at Organic Mama Cafe in the future. Most of you who are regulars around here know that I love to learn new things and that I’m passionate about living life to the fullest – which means being involved in my community. This means I write a lot about how to build relationships in “real life” by shopping local and going to local events.

But, I also want this space to be a community. It’s a safe space to learn something new, laugh, cry or have respectful, meaningful discussions with people who may not share our opinions. Life is full of nuance and learning to be comfortable with that tension helps us to see the world in a fresh way, to grow as people and build healthy relationships that can lead to positive change in our culture.

To create the online community I envision, I am –

Seeking Wisdom…

I am passionate about seeking answers to “life’s persistent questions”.

Only, I don’t want to be the only voice speaking into this space.

So, I’ll find the people qualified to speak to the topics that interest me – and you – whether they are serious, fun or somewhere in the middle.

Living intentionally…

I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. I live my life thoughtfully and intentionally and I know many of you do also.

This is a place to find resources to live that thoughtful life and ways to get involved in your community.

I want to offer practical ways for us to get back out into “real life”, refreshed and hopeful, ready to build relationships and make a difference for the better in our world.

Creating Community

So many of us long to connect with others in a meaningful way. Despite an abundance of technology, we often feel disconnected from others and alone in our journey. No one else could possibly be feeling like we are.

That’s WHY I started this blog. I’m not your typical mommy blogger and I never will be. I’m not Martha Stewart and I’m not the Pioneer Woman. They’re awesome but I’m looking to offer you something different.

Envision this as a safe space where you can chill, grab a drink, talk about REAL life, learn something new and know you’re not alone.

Birth Week was my first venture into inviting participation on the blog and you responded by sharing your own experiences and encouraging each other in the comments.

This month’s emphasis on Domestic Violence continued the theme with even more writers and experts contributing. It was not an easy topic but so many of you shared in the conversation by breaking the silence and sharing the posts and even your own stories. I was humbled and inspired by your response!

So, I’m just getting started.

I have a million interests I’d like to tackle – and I will. 🙂

But, if this is going to be a space where other voices are heard, it should be a space that talks about the things YOU care about discussing.

So – I need your help.

What do YOU want to talk about in the OM Cafe?

This is it. My chance to write and LIVE my story.

And it’s a chance for you to write yours.

Join me. The floor is open to your input.

Share in the comments or email me (if you prefer to be anonymous).

And – subscribe. That way, you don’t miss anything. I promise to respect your privacy and only send you updates when you really need them.

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Why Don’t They Just Leave? A Psychologist’s Perspective on Victims of Domestic Violence

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By Dr. Melissa Estavillo

A dear friend of mine recently asked if I would mind writing a brief blog post surrounding the topic of domestic violence and family abuse, and for a moment I was caught off guard by the request.

As a Clinical Psychologist, I am often asked to give brief interviews and posts surrounding various psychology topics, and most often, the requests are for something interesting and relatively easy to fix in a few simple steps.

However on most occasions when I bring up the complicating factor of domestic violence and abuse, the news anchor or radio show interviewer’s face often goes blank, they stumble over a few words…and that part of the interview is often edited out.

It’s important to note, I don’t believe that this occurs because people don’t want to acknowledge abuse, I think this happens because we don’t know how to wrap our minds around it.

Abuse does not make us feel safe, and the fact that it could happen to any one of us is a fear that is better left unacknowledged. But due to our desire to mitigate our fears, abuse has become (and remains) prolific. It is in this darkness that abuse and domestic violence grows and grows.

To begin, let’s take a moment to reflect on a few statistics around abuse:

  • Over 1 in 3 women and children will be subject to or witness physical/emotional abuse in their home
  • 1 in 4 girls have been sexually abused in their lifetime
  • 1 in 5 boys have been sexually abused in their lifetime

It is believed that the rate of sexual abuse is actually much higher as few victims report abuse. In some studies as little as 5% ever reported their abuse to a family member or law enforcement.

For individuals who have never experienced abuse, the question often arises –Why would anyone allow this to occur?”

The conclusion is often that these must be weak, insecure people and that, if stronger, would have left the situation much sooner. And while I would agree that leaving and protecting oneself against abuse is always healthy and important

It is just not that simple.

While many of us outside of the abuse have great clarity about these negative circumstances, abusers use their calculated intimidation, perpetual manipulation, harsh judgementalism and pervasive denial of responsibility to intimidate and confuse their victims. In time, what was once an incredibly confident, empowered person begins to experience chronic self-doubt, feelings of shame and interpersonal defect, and absolute powerlessness.

In abusive families, reality is difficult to discern. Steven Tracy, a specialist on domestic violence and abuse, once said, “Individuals experiencing abuse find it nearly impossible to trust their own perceptions and emotions. They feels as though they are going insane, even though most are quite sane, but are in insane family and insane circumstances.”

He further explains that often abuse is allowed to continue due to the family’s deceptively “healthy” facade. “The family’s shiny exterior belies a dark inner reality. Many abusive families were conventional to a fault. Most are churchgoing and financially stable; they maintain a facade of responsibility. They are for the most part unknown to mental health services, social agencies, or to the police. Because they conform to traditional family norms, their private disturbances were easily overlooked.”

While for many, information like this is quite unsettling…but I want to reiterate there is something you can do!

Domestic Violence research has shown that an individual’s recovery from abuse is most strongly correlated with how the first person they tell responds to their story.

When the first responder shows discomfort, is dismissing, or shaming, often individuals struggle greatly. However, when the first responder shows empathy, is encouraging, and highlights individual’s strength, often these victims feel empowered and recover from the hell that they experienced.

For those of you who have experienced abuse, you are not alone, you are not at fault, we are not ashamed of you, in fact we are proud of your strength and courage!

If you are in an abusive relationship, these Arizona resources can help you escape.

Outside of Arizona, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline:  1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1- 800-787-3224.

If you are in danger, please use a safe computer that your abuser cannot access to view them.

Dr. Melissa Estavillo is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist specializing in Marriage Counseling, General Mental Health, and Medical Counseling. Dr. Estavillo currently has a practice in the Biltmore area and focuses on helping individuals grow, transform, and heal. You can contact her through her website at www.drestavillo.com.

Please help us break the silence about Domestic Violence and share this link. Someone you know needs this information. Silence is the enemy of the truth.

Don’t miss this conversation. Sign up for email updates. It’s free and I won’t spam you.

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Read More: A Story Of Strength: A Father Shares His Story of Surviving Domestic Violence.