All posts by Monna

Five for Friday

By | Honest Mothering | One Comment

Five for Friday

1. “Hey mom, remember that ring you told me I couldn’t have at the store last week?”, she said. Then, my nearly four year old showed me a little plastic ring – which we’d not purchased.
“Uh-huuuh.” Didn’t see that one coming. We talked about how taking things that are not ours is wrong and how it negatively affects the person from whom we steal. Then, we got into the car, drove to the store (a small resale shop here in town) and talked to the owner. Thankfully, she’s the mother of small children too – and was very gracious. My small one broke down a little but she returned the treasured ring and hopefully learned an important lesson.

2. After a few months of looking for the perfect table to fit in our small space, I FINALLY found one in our budget at a second hand store. It’s high quality – solidly built, the style I wanted and has cool built in extensions. I love finding the perfect deal, at the right price! Here’s the table.

3. I received a special shipment from one of my favorite companies this week, Mountain Rose Herbs. After doing a little research on different lotions and all the yucky chemicals that are in most of them, I looked for natural alternatives. Unfortunately, a lot of those are pretty expensive or they aren’t as natural as they claim. So, I started making my own. It’s cost effective, really easy and takes about 15 minutes, less than a trip to the store. I enjoy it so much that I do it for fun now. I bought some tea to drink while I’m at it.

4. My girls and I have been growing a little garden in large pots and in the flowerbeds on our small patio and it’s doing great. So far, we have carrots, spearmint, peppermint, chard, spinach, catnip (great for teething babies!), lavender, aloe vera, St. John’s Wort, garlic, moon and stars watermelon (heirloom), summer squash and tomatoes. The girls are learning about the importance of taking care of the earth that feeds them and they’re actually eating their greens – since they grew them. Pretty cool. We’ll see how our garden does in the summer when things get hot.

5. We’re clearing more “stuff” out of our house. Our small space is so easily overrun by the things we accumulate – even when we are careful. It’s so easy to hold on to stuff – “just in case” we need it someday. My husband and I have made a commitment to keep selling and giving away unused things that someone else might truly need. In the process, we’re retooling our definition of need. Having an uncluttered space and less things to care for gives us more time for what we really value – making connections with people. I’m frequently inspired to live more simply by another blogger named Sara Janssen. If you haven’t seen her blog, check it out. She is an amazing woman!

That’s all for today. Hope you are having a wonderful earth week!

The Voluptuous Shopper

By | Spirit | One Comment

Last night I had a chance to go shopping – by myself – so I went. I really needed some new clothes that don’t look like they’ve been pooped or spit up on (you know those oily spots?) or fingerprinted by loving hands. It’s not that I don’t love those precious little marks, but sometimes I want to wear something that says, “sexy, smart woman” not just “mom” – you know?

Since I’d received a generous gift card to a department store for my birthday, I decided to head there. But, here’s the thing… Due to stress/childbearing/laziness/happiness/exhaustion etc. and despite my organic lifestyle, I’ve added a few inches my waistline in the last several years. So, I have to head to the, um, VOLUPTUOUS girl section of the store. I started looking and as usual, was underwhelmed by the style offerings available. First, over half of the clothes in that section look like something my grandmother would have enjoyed wearing – in 1970 – if she’d been any bigger than a thimble. Then, there are the natural assumptions some “designers” make about fuller figured women.

Poor assumptions: 1. If you’re bigger, you have big breasts to match. (Not true of me – which means I need a seriously boosted bra or an amazing tailor). 2. If you’re bigger, you’re probably ashamed (or should be) of your body, so here’s a rather shapeless, giant, floral tent to cover it. Ok, this may not be entirely fair. There ARE some great, fashionable clothes available in fuller sizes – and I found some to try. But, overall, the boring/ugly/insulting offerings in full figured departments can demoralize a curvy gal before she even gets to the dressing room!

I made my way to the fitting room with a TON of clothing, determined to be open minded and to bring something new and cute home with me. As I got ready to try what I’d chosen, I could feel a critical spirit making her way into the room. You know the one. I stopped, knowing that she didn’t fit in with my new commitment to love me – nowas I am, not as I was or as I could be. I placed my hand on my heart and said a quick prayer, then smiled into the mirror and purposely looked for a few things I love about me. The smile crept from my lips to my eyes as I recognized a woman I really like. Me.

Then, I tried on some clothes. Some of them made me laugh, bringing back memories of really funny clothes shopping trips with my mom. Some of them went in the “Heck, No!” pile. But some of them looked great so I bought them.

This is a very personal experience – but I shared it because I don’t think I’m the only one who has to exorcise personal demons when shopping/or dressing/or showering/or having sex (YES – I said the S word!). I hope it will be an encouragement for all of us to find a person we love as we gaze into our mirrors – and that he or she will be the person we are right now, not who we were or who we hope to be someday. I hope it will be an encouragement for us to daily choose awareness, joy and love – with abandon.

Ruben’s Venus at a Mirror

By the way, I looked up voluptuous in the thesaurus. Here are a few of the synonyms I found.
“appealing, attractive, delightful, desirable, enticing, erotic, sensuous, sexy…”

I can live with that.

Happy Birthday to Me!

By | Spirit | One Comment

Today is my 35th birthday and it’s a particularly good birthday for me. I woke feeling joyful at the morning light streaming through my window onto the faces of my beautiful girls and husband. Then, I slipped from the bed and started the morning alone – hiking, reflecting on my life so far.

This year feels different for me. I think a lot of it has to do with a transformation that’s been taking place inside me for a while. I’ve wasted a lot of my life – years really – wishing for something I am not. I’m not saying I have not enjoyed my life. It has been amazing so far, filled with love and accomplishment.

I’ve had jobs I’ve loved and jobs I’ve hated. In them, I discovered that I love aviation, travel and that I’m really good at learning new things. I attended a university on a scholarship which allowed me to sing my way through school and still study what I enjoy most (stories about people — also known as History). In my latest job, I get to sing beautiful music – then stay home and play with my kids. In all these places, interesting and wonderful people from all over the world have contributed to my personal and professional growth.

I am LUCKY in love. Ten years ago this year, I married the one my soul loves. He is handsome, kind, SMART, talented, fun, loving, gentle strong. My heart melts when I think about how he loves me. Our two precious girls fill my days with joy and laughter. My friends and family bless me with their love. I have a home in what I consider the most amazing country in the world. I am so fortunate. I frequently give thanks for these blessings.

But, for a long time, when I looked into the mirror, I didn’t see a happy, accomplished, beautiful friend- mother-lover. In a Puritanical fashion true to my upbringing, I saw only my failings and spent most of my time worrying about how to be a perfect version of me – thinner, more organized, quicker on my feet, less self-conscious. Of course, I imagined life would be even more fulfilling if I could somehow just be ‘perfect me’.

How did I get into the habit of wishing for a different version of myself? Maybe it was the way I was raised. Maybe it was mental laziness. Or maybe grief got the better of me for a while. Regardless, in worrying about the future, I lost the chance to bask in the light of the current moment.
Well, I’m done with wasting moments.

Today I’m giving myself a special birthday gift. From this moment on, I’m setting myself free to enjoy me as I am right now. I’m going to start each morning smiling with pleasure at the face I see in the mirror and loving every wrinkle, freckle and stretch mark I’ve earned. I don’t want to stop growing as a person but I will be content with who I am now and inhabit this moment – with my husband, girls, family and friends. I want my girls to grow up LOVING who they are, as they are, and they will learn that best from me.

I have a feeling this is the best birthday gift I’ll get this year.

Making playdough…and other ways I spend my days

By | Honest Mothering | One Comment

***above – playdough sculpture starring Sleeping Beauty***

I have a friend who came to dinner every week for a while before he moved out of state. Every week, he’d ask me the same genuine question in his charming Southern drawl, “So, whatcha been up to?” I would laugh and answer, “The same thing every day.” Sometimes I’d try to think of something new or different I’d done. But then I started to wonder, “What am I doing with my days?” I’d thought I’d take a minute to write down an example of a typical day in the life of a mostly stay-at-home mom. Here’s what happened today.

We wake – late. After being up multiple times during the night with a teething toddler, we are exhausted. I wake when my toddler throws herself on me in a full body hug, looks straight into my eyes and smiles her sweetest smile, saying, “Good morning!” in her own special language. (YES, she DOES sleep with us!) We get ready as quickly as possible without stressing…(I’m really working on this!), feed and dress our girls, then drop them off with the babysitter. Then, I swing over to a local cafe where I tell stories to toddlers and preschoolers once a week. Amazingly, I arrive early. I finish the stories and then enjoy chatting with the moms about their kids, lives, experiences. I really enjoy this part of my week.

The real work begins. I return to the babysitter’s house, load the girls in the car in a steady downpour, then drive home. There, I coax my youngest to take a nap, change a load of laundry and race downstairs to hang with my oldest. We play Mulan. She drapes me with beads of “jade” for beauty, a pendant for balance (I wish I really had one of those!) and a cricket for good luck. She names each item ceremoniously and lifts my chin tenderly. As she gazes into my eyes, I feel the effervescent joy of knowing I’m still her favorite playmate. After we play for a while, I move on to surreptitiously weeding out the toybox and cleaning up around the house.

My toddler wakes after only an hour. This changes what I can accomplish in the remaining hour before we leave. I change her diaper and another load of laundry then re-dress both girls and myself. In the midst of this  to-do list, I break up two disagreements that turn physical and have a brief heart to heart with my oldest. Then, I quickly gather a few toys, craft items and snacks and re-fill my youngest’s bottle. Happy to be on time for our next appointment, I herd the girls toward the car.

We arrive at our next appointment on time. Yay! I trade babysitting duties one day each week with a friend. It’s been a lifesaver for me. I truly love her kids and my daughters have a great time with them.  Normally, we go outside and play games that entail a lot of running, hopefully ensuring a good night’s sleep for all. However, today it’s raining so our plans are a little different. When the sky clears briefly, we race outdoors and I distribute instruments so the kids can create their own “band”. They play happily, marching around, for a short time but the weather turns again so we make our way back indoors.

Craft & chaos. I suggest we make our own playdough and the kids agree excitedly. First, each one must use the toilet and wash his or her hands (one has to remind small people to do this). My friend’s oldest is the first to finish so he starts helping me measure flour, salt, color etc. while my toddler eats a snack in the booster chair.

Suddenly, we hear a shriek from the bathroom. I run in to find my oldest and her little girlfriend facing each other with some animosity. My friend’s daughter says, “A” (my daughter) threw water from the froggie potty on me!” My three year old daughter turns to me and counters, “I thought it would be funny!” Feeling grateful the potty contained only water, I stifle my laughter and gently correct one girl’s understanding of funny while cleaning up the other.

It all works out in the end. Eventually, with lots of gigglesand a small flour fight – we get the playdough made (only one batch ruined), enjoy a snack. Then the kids watch Dora, wrestle with each other and play on the computer while I do dishes and sweep the floor. When my friend’s husband arrives, we leave. We pick up our dad from work, get dinner and head home. Dad takes over and starts the bedtime routine because it’s my night to be “free”. Later, I’ll come home and climb into bed where I’ll snuggle with the people I love best.

This concludes a day in the life of a mostly stay-at-home mom. I realize that I have pretty much the same schedule every week – with the same people. When my friend asks me what I’ve been doing, I could respond with a laundry list (literally) of activities. But, when he asks me that question, what comes to mind isn’t what I’ve done, accomplished or acquired recently. Instead, in my mind glimmers sparkling memories I gather throughout each day in the form of the smiles, the laughter, the touches and the songs of my two precious little girls. I am awed by the reality that I am privileged to share my journey with two beautiful, brilliant little people (and one beautiful, brilliant big person) – and encourage each one through her/his own journey.

How exactly do I fit that into a two sentence reply? For now, I’ll keep laughing and giving the same answer but inside, I’ll enjoy the shimmering images of what really fills my days.