Category Archives: Spirit

Today is my 35th birthday and it’s a particularly good birthday for me. I woke feeling joyful at the morning light streaming through my window onto the faces of my beautiful girls and husband. Then, I slipped from the bed and started the morning alone – hiking, reflecting on my life so far.

This year feels different for me. I think a lot of it has to do with a transformation that’s been taking place inside me for a while. I’ve wasted a lot of my life – years really – wishing for something I am not. I’m not saying I have not enjoyed my life. It has been amazing so far, filled with love and accomplishment.

I’ve had jobs I’ve loved and jobs I’ve hated. In them, I discovered that I love aviation, travel and that I’m really good at learning new things. I attended a university on a scholarship which allowed me to sing my way through school and still study what I enjoy most (stories about people — also known as History). In my latest job, I get to sing beautiful music – then stay home and play with my kids. In all these places, interesting and wonderful people from all over the world have contributed to my personal and professional growth.

I am LUCKY in love. Ten years ago this year, I married the one my soul loves. He is handsome, kind, SMART, talented, fun, loving, gentle – strong. My heart melts when I think about how he loves me. Our two precious girls fill my days with joy and laughter. My friends and family bless me with their love. I have a home in what I consider the most amazing country in the world. I am so fortunate. I frequently give thanks for these blessings.

But, for a long time, when I looked into the mirror, I didn’t see a happy, accomplished, beautiful friend- mother-lover. In a Puritanical fashion true to my upbringing, I saw only my failings and spent most of my time worrying about how to be a perfect version of me – thinner, more organized, quicker on my feet, less self-conscious. Of course, I imagined life would be even more fulfilling if I could somehow just be ‘perfect me’.

How did I get into the habit of wishing for a different version of myself? Maybe it was the way I was raised. Maybe it was mental laziness. Or maybe grief got the better of me for a while. Regardless, in worrying about the future, I lost the chance to bask in the light of the current moment.
Well, I’m done with wasting moments.

Today I’m giving myself a special birthday gift. From this moment on, I’m setting myself free to enjoy me as I am right now. I’m going to start each morning smiling with pleasure at the face I see in the mirror and loving every wrinkle, freckle and stretch mark I’ve earned. I don’t want to stop growing as a person but I will be content with who I am now and inhabit this moment – with my husband, girls, family and friends. I want my girls to grow up LOVING who they are, as they are, and they will learn that best from me.

I have a feeling this is the best birthday gift I’ll get this year.

This time of year, motherly duties get amped to a different level. There is a house to clean, laundry to wash, kids to manage, extra shopping to do, holiday cards to send, parties to attend (or throw), rehearsals and concerts to perform in or attend… That list could go on indefinitely. A lot of us cram activity into every corner of our calendar and drag our families along for the ride.

Instead of enjoying the events that should create positive memories for us, we can end up racing from one thing to the next – just hoping we’ll finish on time. I get grumpy, overwhelmed and stressed out by my normal list of things to do, never mind a holiday list! Usually, I find myself saying a lot of, “Wait a minute,” “Let me just finish this first,” or “Shhh…Just be quiet for a minute so I can think!” By the time the holiday arrives, the preparation leaves me feeling exhausted and anticlimactic.

This year, we made a resolution at our house. Instead of spending our holidays racing around or acquiring new stuff (after all, we just got RID of a bunch of stuff), we decided to buy fewer presents – like two small gifts per child – and focus more on making little memories with our kids, enjoying each moment as it comes! We baked cookies, drove around looking for Christmas lights and picked out and decorated the tree – together. So, we broke more than one treasured ornament because my three year old is really fast and grabbed them before I could stop her. I wouldn’t trade one moment to get those ornaments back.   I don’t want to miss out on the fun the holidays are supposed to be because I was too busy planning for them to enjoy my kids, friends and family. Today is the day to start enjoying every minute of life!

Happy Holidays, friends. May you stop and breathe – and be grateful for the love surrounding you!