Category Archives: Parenting

Pregnancy after Miscarriage

By | Miscarriage, Pregnancy | 2 Comments

Being pregnant after a miscarriage is very different from just “being pregnant”. In my first two pregnancies, I knew there was always a possibility of a miscarriage but I pushed it from my mind and chose to believe my babies would be healthy. After a miscarriage, that kind of mental discipline is a little harder to find.

There have been times on and off throughout my current pregnancy when I’ve particularly struggled. In my last pregnancy, I was about 11.5 weeks when I miscarried. In this pregnancy, that week just happened to fall during the week my miscarried baby would have been due. Talk about emotional! Other difficult moments happened between nausea and the time when I actually felt the baby moving.

After my initial week of terror at the thought of pregnancy after a scary miscarriage, I settled into an uneasy acceptance of my pregnancy. I chose to push aside terror but found that niggling doubts about the baby’s health still plagued me.

For example, I was reticent to be excited when people asked me about the pregnancy. What if I miscarried this baby too? Should I wait to announce it? Did I really want to have to talk about it if this baby didn’t make it? Were my pregnancy signs strong enough?

Early on, I asked Robert if I seemed different this time than in the miscarried pregnancy. He was unfailingly reassuring. “Oh babe, you are SO emotional this time – like you were with our other kids!” He sounded enthused as he says it. When I doubted that I was nauseous enough, he laughed “You’ve been really sick!” Again with the enthusiasm – over nausea! But, I appreciate his encouragement and love and I am glad to know that sign is so strong. Though, it is hard to think straight or get anything done when I’m nauseous 24/7.

In my doubt, I also reverted to my faith in friendship. We all need friends around us in the good times, the bad times and the in between times. Moments of doubt are the times I need friends to remind me to have faith and enjoy life even when it’s uncertain. That’s why I’m choosing to be honest with you, friends, about how this pregnancy has felt.

I don’t have a neat, tied-up-in-a-bow kind of reassurance for you today. If you’re pregnant after a miscarriage, it’s likely that there will be moments of fear and doubt in the midst of the joy. That’s ok. Pain and doubt are just as much as part of life as joy and certainty. The question is, will we let ourselves be crippled by doubt or hold on to hope in the midst of it?

For today, I will wrap myself in your friendship and choose hope.

I share my story in the hope that it will make you feel less alone. Please pass it on if you know of someone who it might encourage.

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Want to be a Better Parent? Me too!

By | Honest Mothering, Parenting | 4 Comments

Why does parenting seem, at times, to bring out the worst in us? Why is it so hard to stay patient when we’re dealing with the people we love most in all the world? When they’re born, we can’t imagine ever being angry or annoyed with them. But when our kids arrive at a place somewhere between 2 and 2 1/2, a switch goes off in most moms. It’s the “What will people think of me when they see you acting this way?” switch.

I’ve been there too. I’m here daily. Kids have a knack for picking the most inopportune moments to pitch a fit or decide they’re not going to listen. I lose my cool and find myself communicating at a decibel level that cannot fairly be described as “speaking”. When I’m that upset, I’m not sure what I’m doing can really be described as communicating. In truth, I’m not sure what my kids can hear when I’m that upset!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and trying to figure out how to reset my approach to my kids. Here’s what I’ve observed.

1. I am a better parent when I get adequate sleep. Does it seem like I write about sleep a lot? That’s because since having kids, I don’t get enough. If I don’t sleep 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night, I’m not ok. You might think I’m functional at first glance but a deeper glance into my scowling eyes will convince you to WALK AWAY! I’m learning that getting enough sleep is truly my choice. It’s probably yours too.

2. I am a better parent when I take time to be “Monna”. Since I’ve been so nauseous during this pregnancy (as with my others), I’ve found it hard to go out for my weekly break alone. All work and no play make me a very dull girl! It’s essential to my mental health – and yours.

3. I’m a better parent when I get regular exercise. Do you feel like I harp on this? That’s ’cause I do! Exercise is great for the body AND the soul. Getting fresh air alone or with a friend restores our sense of perspective and physically moves stress out of our cells. More importantly, it imbues us with strength. What’s a little mess to a woman who’s just hiked a mountain or conquered the road cycling or running?

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Not-so-random-thought

Let me just break in a moment here and make an observation. Have you noticed that pregnancy is one of the only times in a woman’s life when we actually take care of ourselves? Our hormones FORCE us to listen to our needs. We get more sleep, eat regularly and generally take better care of ourselves because we know we must for our baby’s sake.

Yet, how much would we and our current family members benefit if we were to choose this daily? This is a must for moms & dads!

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4. I’m a better parent when I maintain my sense of humor and flexibility. I know, I know. Easier said than done, right? Prior to kids, I found it so much easier to keep a regular schedule and be on time. But last minute diaper changes, lost shoes and a two year old’s brilliant idea to unravel an entire roll of toilet paper just before it’s time to leave can unsettle even the best laid plans. I can be angry or be prepared for the diaper change, plan an earlier departure time (for next time) and leave the toilet paper on the floor till we return.

5. I’m a better parent when I’m consistent with my kids.  I haven’t always been very good at this. At times it was because I was tired, distracted or just unsure of how to be consistent without resorting to disciplinary measures that I oppose, like spanking. My sister recently gave me some good advice when I confided that my previously compliant, if impishly precocious, Destructo Girl (2yo)  had decided she didn’t need to obey me anymore (as in – ever!)

“Whatever discipline you choose, do it calmly and every time she doesn’t listen.”

I took her advice and it’s made a huge difference. I chose “time outs” and within two days, DG went from constantly bucking me to listening when I speak. I feel better and I think DG does too. I’m not saying we won’t face more challenges. But, when we do, I’ll be ready to follow up with her every time.

6. I’m a better parent when I choose not to be defined by my children’s behavior. Parenting is all about teaching children how to navigate all that life entails – including making mistakes in public! Allowing myself to be “embarrassed” when my child makes a bad choice or a mistake doesn’t benefit either of us and may waste a teachable moment. It’s our job as parents to teach our kids to live wisely and well.

I’m still learning how to make the best choices and I appreciate compassion over anger every time!

Apply appropriate discipline, then grab your little person and hug them. Reassure them (and yourself) that mistakes are normal and they’ll do better next time. Help them make a plan to be successful!

Since becoming a parent, I’ve realized that much of the discipline parenting requires is mine. Being a good parent isn’t just a 9-5 task, it’s 24/7. We don’t get to come home at night at take a break. When we’ve finished our “adult” day and feel ready to sit down and take a load off, our kids are about ready to melt down too and need our full attention. Taking care of ourselves so we can be disciplined enough to maintain a sense of humor, flexibility and consistency is no small task. But the truth is, applying that discipline to ourselves is the only way we can really teach it to our kids.

Good thing I got a great night’s sleep last night. I’m ready to work on it!

Natural Diaper Rash Remedies

By | Diapering, Natural Health | 4 Comments

Welcome to POOP 101, otherwise known as The Secrets of Healing Diaper Rash. That red, hot, often broken skin is terrible to see on a baby’s bum. Unfortunately, the combination of bacteria, friction, moisture and heat all pressed against baby’s bum in a leak proof package creates the perfect breeding ground for a nasty rash. Sensitive skin makes it even worse. Yet, there are natural remedies for diaper rash and they’re easier than you think.

We all know about diaper cream but what’s the alternative?  I’ve learned a lot since I first started diapering babies.

First, there is an alternative to diapering with cloth or paper.
In many parts of the world, moms train their babies from birth to eliminate on cue into a toilet instead of in their “unders”. And while teaching babies to eliminate on cue isn’t ‘potty training’, it does keep your baby from learning to defecate in their pants. Instead of changing a dirty diaper, you simply catch the mess in advance. It saves money on diapers and makes it less likely that your baby will get diaper rash. I don’t do it all the time but I have done it and it works! If you’re interested, check out http://www.diaperfreebaby.org

We’ve used cloth and paper diapers and contrary to popular belief, diapering with either can cause rashes.

Problems with cloth diapers include – friction, heat, soap retention & detergents containing enzymes.

Problems with paper diapers can include friction, too drying (wicking material!) and material/chemical sensitivity. Some contain latex. We never even thought about this with our latex sensitive, eldest child. She had a lot of rashes as a baby. Boy, was I upset to learn this after the fact!

I’ve learned, the sooner I address a diaper rash, the better.

There are times diaper rashes are more likely to happen. When I pay attention, I can head the rash off before it starts.

Things that make diaper rashes more likely include anything that increases heat or friction or changes the frequency and ph of poop – such as…

Gastroenteritis. Nothing like frequent diarrhea to make a little baby’s bum raw and miserable.
Teething – all that drool that babies create while teething contributes to more frequent stools. You’ll learn to recognize this. It’s not diarrhea but it’s looser than regular poop and has a kind of “sandy” texture to it.
Summer – In our experience, summer heat speeds up the progression of a rash.

So here are the steps I take as soon as I see that bum looking slightly pink or raw.

Take action immediately.
Every moment counts. Ok – lil’ bit dramatic but it’s real. Diaper rashes can go from bad to worse quickly when ignored. Instead of a slightly pink bum, they can become a stubborn yeast rash or, worst case, a staph infection. Trust me, it’s easier to kick it as soon at “slightly pink”.

Lose the wipes and rinse with water
Yep. You heard me. Wipes contain soap and irritate sore skin. How would you like someone wiping soap all over a rash on your most tender spots? Do you know that the human race has survived for thousands of years without disposable wipes? I know. Crazy but true.

I gently wipe off any solid stuff and rinse with water. When we’re home, we rinse our baby’s behind in the sink, bathtub or with our diaper sprayer. Toddlers usually think this is hilarious. A gentle hand is the best tool for ensuring that a baby’s squishy bum is completely clean. Plus, it won’t irritate like a washcloth. And I carefully pat dry with a soft cloth. When we’re out in public, we take a water squirt bottle and some gentle cloth wipes with you. A cut up flannel baby blankie works great.

Moisturize the skin
Next, I apply coconut oil to the affect area. It’s healing, anti-fungal and moisturizing without being too oily.

But keep the yucky moisture away from the bum.
Gently pat some cornstarch or arrowroot powder on the rash

You can buy cornstarch in any supermarket and arrowroot is not hard to find in natural food stores. They’re both cheap and work well. This is best if the skin isn’t broken (it shouldn’t be if you take action immediately). It will dry the beginnings of the rash out – like a charm.

*A friend told me that she thinks cornstarch can feed a yeast rash so if a rash is thick, raised and red, I would go for the arrowroot instead.

What???” You may be asking.

What about Diaper cream?”
My mom and my mom’s mom used xyz cream for every diaper rash! They swear by it!

Well, if that’s working for you, go for it.

I try not to use diaper creams for two reasons. First, it’s my experience that most of the time, diaper cream isn’t needed if you follow these first few steps right away. (Of course there are exceptions).

The other reason I don’t often use diaper cream is that diaper cream is often mineral oil based (it’s meant to keep moisture off the bootie) but it also traps moisture and bacteria if you haven’t carefully rinsed it and it can make things go from bad to worse fast.

Let my baby go au naturel ( especially in sunlight for some healing Vitamin D) for a while or loosely fasten a fresh diaper his bum.

Just put a towel under them to catch the drips. The idea is to let the air get to the sore spot and heal it. The faster it dries out, the less likely it is to develop into something serious.

Change the diaper as soon as it’s wet or soiled
I can’t emphasize this enough.

Remember –

Bacteria + moisture + heat + friction = diaper rash

Hope this is helpful for you mamas dealing with diaper rash. If a baby’s rash has progressed past this first stage, I would still use these steps to speed healing.

Here’s to healthy little, rash free bums!

*this post is updated, thanks to the wisdom of friends and my own experience!

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Read: Cradle Cap: Naturally Prevent and Eliminate It

Destructo Girl’s Narrow Escape (or why NOT to put a nightlight in your 2 year old’s room)

By | Honest Mothering | 2 Comments

More than once, I’ve been told Destructo Girl (2 years old) has a very active guardian angel and last night, she proved it once again. We had a long day running errands and being out in the heat, so after dinner everyone was pretty worn out. By the time the kids were down for bed, Rob and I were ready to relax – alone.

But a few minutes after we put the kids in bed, Rob went upstairs to investigate a noise. As he headed up the stairs, I heard a breaker pop in the kitchen and the lights went out (in our old house, the kitchen electricity and upstairs bedroom are on the same breaker). I heard Rob exclaim loudly and call for me so I ran upstairs.

He said that he’d found Destructo Girl sitting in front of the nightlight, looking stunned. She said, “My arm hurts, Daddy.” He checked her over and found a nickel in her hand. When he questioned her, she showed him that she’d been sliding the nickel behind the nightlight between the plug and the outlet. She interrupted the current enough to give herself a good charge. Thankfully, the breaker worked and the power shut off before she could do any real damage. The outlet was black from the charge.

The infamous coin. It's going in her scrapbook!

After I stopped hyperventilating (usually I’m so good in a crisis!!), I gave my little DG a very STERN talking to about not touching outlets and promised dire consequences if she does so again. I reminded her again when she woke this morning. (I found myself waking every few hours last night to check her).

Lessons learned…We decided the girls will now sleep without a nightlight and we won’t be keeping their piggy banks in the room where they sleep. AND the plastic outlet covers are going back over all outlets.

I’m so glad my little Destructo Girl is ok but I’m hoping she’ll refrain from any more crazy shenanigans today so my blood pressure can go back to normal!