Birth Week: Gabi’s Story, The “Un-Hippy” HomeBirther
When I found out I was pregnant I was planning on delivering in a hospital just like most other moms out there. I didn’t really think I had a choice and never really thought about other options. After watching several episodes of “One Born Every Minute” I started to get scared. I didn’t want to have to go through all the L&D drama. It seemed like there was always something wrong and I kept thinking “certainly there was a better, more gravity friendly, way to deliver a baby than lying on your back, right?”
I heard so many stories from friends about how their birth did not go the way they wanted, and about how they hoped things would go different next time. I was determined to find a better way to birth, and so started my quest.
I share my story not in a judgmental way, because I believe every woman knows what is best for them; and what works for some does not work for others. But I share in order to encourage other moms-to-be out there that you DO have choices in the way you birth! And you don’t have to be a patchouli smelling, dreadlock wearing hippy to have a home birth. For reference, I am an events director for a republican political committee. My husband is an IT consultant and former White House staffer and we live in Washington DC. We also drive a Prius. So you could say we’ve broken some of those stereotypes people think of when a home-birther comes to mind!
After watching The Business of Being Born I realized that I wanted an “in control” birth like the ones shown in the documentary. I wanted a birth where I could wear my own clothes, eat a snack if I wanted, and most importantly, deliver in any position that I wanted to. We were nowhere near deciding to do a homebirth at this point yet, but I thought if I could find a midwife who practiced this philosophy, or if my OBGYN was agreeable and I could be in the ‘safety’ of a hospital that would be great. So at my 12 week appointment I told my OBGYN what I was thinking. Although she was very supportive of what I wanted to do she explained to me the wonderful world of malpractice law and how she was obligated to follow the rules of the hospital she practiced out of which entails things like being attached to a fetal monitor, not eating during labor, etc. So she gave me her blessing of moving out of her practice so I could start using the midwife practice I found in Alexandria, VA – BirthCare.
BirthCare is staffed by 7 Certified Nurse Midwives and specializes in out-of-hospital births. They mostly do home births, but they also have a home-like birth center at their facility. Their philosophy is for women to take responsibility for their own health. One of my favorite parts is when I walk in the door they give me my file so I can review my charts and take my own weight and blood pressure.
Throughout most of our pregnancy we were planning on delivering at the onsite birth center. It wasn’t until about 30 weeks when they encouraged us to think about doing a home birth. After a home-visit from our birth assistant she looked around our house and said “you have a really nice place, why aren’t you guys considering a homebirth?” My reasons included things like:
– I didn’t want our things to get “hospital dirty” (even though our house was pretty much completely draped in throw away sheets)
– I didn’t want my neighbors to hear “labor noises” from our apartment (There wasn’t really any screaming that took place and our walls endured the test! And when you’re in labor you just don’t care!)
– I didn’t want my friends to judge me for being a total weirdo for having a home birth – because for some reason, explaining that we were going to a “birth center” was a little less weird and you could justify that it was a medical facility (even though it wasn’t)
– When people came over to our house, I didn’t want people to think “did she give birth in the chair I’m sitting in? … ewww” (I’m over it)
As ridiculous as those things sound now, that was how I felt at the time. I ended up checking in with two friends who had home births and felt encouraged. The final decision came after our midwife explained that the birth center didn’t have anything additional there than we would have at home. They make sure you are well prepared about one month in advance and that you have the supplies you need. Our birth assistant came over (on her second home visit) to make sure we had everything put aside in one location, that it was orderly and that it worked correctly . They also make sure you are pre-registered at your back-up hospital in the event you need to transfer. After all this preparation, I felt well, prepared!
I started feeling my first contractions on our due date of November 4. They felt like cramps and came in waves. I thought “hey if this is what contractions feel like, they’re not that bad!” This was my last day of work, but I ended up staying home due to some spotting I had. They suggested I just rest and stay off my feet. I let Max know about the contractions but told him they were 45 minutes apart and it was no big deal. My parents came over to hang out for a while that evening but we all knew this was going to be a while so they left and we told them we’d give them a call when things pick up.
My contractions continued throughout the whole night and began to intensify. Max put me in the tub to relax which helped. He also called the midwives to let them know we were managing fine but just to give them a heads up. When they reached about 5 minutes apart, he gave them a call again and they were on their way.
My midwife (Alice), birth assistant (Claudia) and parents (Gil & Delia) arrived around 7:00 am on Saturday morning, November 5th. It took them about 2 hours to unload their equipment and start paperwork, documenting my vitals, etc. We put in a movie and just hung out, but in the process, my contractions started to slow down to about 10 minutes apart and stayed there. Alice checked my cervix to see how far dilated I was – I was at 6 ½ – pretty good! After checking the cervix, she suggested that everyone clear out to give us some privacy for a few hours so I could relax and perhaps try a little nipple stimulation to get the contractions going again. Good suggestion, but it wasn’t all that comfortable and it didn’t really feel that great. Once Alice came back I was pretty much stalled with contractions 10 minutes apart. At this point, Alice suggested they leave for the rest of the afternoon and for us to call them when things started to pick up again. I slept as best I could in 5 and 7 minute increments throughout the night and into the morning.
At about 2:00 am on Sunday morning, I felt like contractions were more frequent at 2-3 minutes apart lasting about 30 seconds. To me these were consistent enough to call Alice again (little did I know that we still had a ways to go). So, once again, Alice and Claudia arrive – and once again I stall out to about 5-7 minutes. As soon as the sun came up Alice and Claudia conferred and made up a plan of how we should proceed for the rest of the day. First, she wanted me to take a shower and get ready for the day. Easy enough – sort of. Once I finished my first assignment I came out refreshed and ready to face day.
Next, she said, “OK, now we’re all going to have breakfast together. Do you have breakfast ingredients? “
“Yes,” I said studiously.
“Great!” replied Alice. “You’re going to make it for us!”
I gave a nervous laugh because I thought she was kidding – but she wasn’t. Her goal was to keep me moving to keep my contractions in motion. So, again, like a good student I start taking out the bacon, eggs, cinnamon rolls and juice. This brought on a whole new meaning to “barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen” as I would stop for contractions every 4 minutes while frying up an egg. But this was exactly the part of having a home birth that I enjoyed. Being comfortable in my own home and serving others while they served me. Breakfast wasn’t bad either!
After everything was cleaned up, our next assignment was to take a walk. After cooking breakfast and cleaning up, I REALLY didn’t want to go outside in the cold – but I also wanted to get our sweet baby out, so off we went. And we actually had a good time! Max and I walked around the block. Stopped by the CVS to get a newspaper and some toothpaste. Then to the bakery to get some of my favorite cookies. We were gone for about an hour, stopping every 5 minutes or so for a contraction. And yes, lots of funny looks from passers by!
Once we came home our Birth Assistant, Claudia, informed me she had another birth to go to and asked if I would mind having another midwife from our practice assist us for the remaining time. It was about 1:00 pm in the afternoon and still no baby. I was starting to feel like the “watched pot” that everyone was waiting on to boil. As much as I love my parents, and wanted them to be there, I started to feel like I was getting a little performance anxiety. I felt like they were bored (even though they weren’t) and that I needed to be some type of a hostess (even though I didn’t). I expressed this to my parents along with our midwife and Alice said it would be perfectly fine to ask my parents to leave. I needed to be relaxed and if having my parents there was not relaxing then asking them to leave might be for the best. My parents were so understanding and knew that it was for the best. It also revealed to my mom that birth is not just a physical process – but every bit an emotional one as well. They gave me a kiss and a prayer and we told them we’d check in once things started to happen. When they left Alice suggested that she leave as well for a few hours to give us some privacy and she would return with our new midwife Julia. Parting words from Claudia, “Remember, the love that got the baby in, is the same thing that will get the baby out (hint, hint).” I really couldn’t think of anything more awkward because I was so big and felt rather unattractive, “But hey – why not give it a shot? I really want this baby out and even though I don’t feel attractive, you’re pretty cute, Max!” So we gave it the old college try – and finally … progress.
Alice and Julia came back around 3:00 pm that Sunday afternoon. Max and I took one more walk, but this time I couldn’t even make it around the block. Progress! When we came home we were all sitting in the living room and my water broke around 5:00 pm! Progress!!
I did the majority of my tough contractions (right before transition) in our bedroom next to the bed leaning against the birth ball or on hands and knees. They weren’t pushing contractions but they were very intense and painful. Even though we were in very active labor I just didn’t feel like I was opening up. My midwife went ahead and did another check. I was 9 ½ centimeters dilated, but I had a lip on my cervix preventing the baby from being at a fetal station of 0. Through the next 8-12 contractions, Alice had her hand inside of me to help guide the baby out of the lip. These contractions were much more comfortable for me. Once we “straightened the snag” we just needed to open up that last ½ centimeter. Contractions were extremely painful and long lasting.
We moved to the shower to help relax a little more and this is when we hit transition. I could barely stand in the shower. I had Max guide me down so I could get on hands and knees while saying “I just want to pass out. Please just let me pass out.” Well, no one let me pass out. They just helped me crawl out of the shower and into the other bathroom where I could sit in the tub and not have to stand. Being in the tub was the most effective tool. It was here where I fully opened up and started to feel the urge to push (finally!). Once I got out of the tub I began to push in a squatting position and standing in between contractions. I also had a mirror underneath me to watch the progress. At this point it was about 1:00 am Monday morning. After laboring for so long and doing about 4 hours of squatting and standing, Alice and Julia were concerned I would not have the energy to keep squatting when it was time to get the baby out so they suggested I move to the bed. Reluctantly, I took their recommendation (I really wanted to stay squatting but figured it was probably a good idea to lay down for a while). It was amazing to see the progression of Polly’s arrival with the mirror and to be able to touch and feel her head with each push.
Once we moved to the bed it was go time. I was in a sitting position and gave about 8-10 pushes that finally got our sweet little Polly out. Surprisingly, the “ring of fire” was a welcome change to the pain from the contractions I was feeling earlier. On Monday, November 7 at 2:35 am I gave my last push. Polly’s little body just slid right out and she immediately began to cry with no spanking, no suction. She was a beautiful pink color and very responsive. She was finally here and so amazing. They wrapped her up and she immediately snuggled up to me and began to nurse.
Because of my low hemoglobin count toward the end of my pregnancy they gave me a bit of Pitocin as soon as she came out to get the placenta out right away and prevent hemorrhage. About 15 minutes later I gave my final push. Once the placenta came out they inspected it to make sure it was intact, which it was – We were out of the woods!
The whole process was 51 hours that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Giving birth is hard work and rewarding work. I started out doing this as a challenge to myself to see if I could do it. But as we started learning more, we just wanted our daughter to be in the most healthy, safe and stress free environment – and for us, that was having her at home. If you are a healthy mom having a healthy pregnancy, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t consider a home birth. Do your research and find a good, reputable midwife with the numbers to back them up. Throughout your 40 weeks you will be poked, prodded and asked enough questions that if a home birth is no longer a safe option for you, they will let you know. And always trust your instinct. One of the purposes of having a home birth is to reduce anxiety. So if at any time you feel an out-of-hospital birth is not right for you, by all means, tell your midwife and they will help you get into a good practice that will work to keep mom and baby healthy.
My last bit of advice would be to get into a good Bradley Method class. The Bradley Method is a 12-week series of childbirth classes designed for those having a natural, unmedicated, childbirth. It teaches that a woman’s body is designed to handle childbirth, gives an active role to the mother’s partner (also called the coach) and teaches the importance of relaxation and proper breathing during the process. Even if you do not plan on having an unmedicated birth, my husband and I highly recommend this series as it educates the couple exactly how the mother’s body works during each stage of labor and how the body is working for you and not against you (which can relieve a lot of anxiety during the particularly painful parts of labor). Classes are designed to be small for individualized attention. You can read more about the Bradley Method and find one in your area here: http://www.bradleybirth.com/
Gabi Everett is wife of Max Everett and mom to their four month old daughter, Polly. She and Max have been married for three years and currently live in Washington, DC. Gabi graduated with a broadcasting degree from Arizona State and is the director of events for a Republican political committee. She enjoys living in the city, opening her home to friends and family, vacationing in fun places and learning new things – like how to rock her new position as working mother! She loves sharing her life with others and being open about the struggles and joys of marriage, family and friendship and hopes to one day join the blogosphere nation.
