Tonight I saw a friend who completely disagrees with me on a topic dear to my heart, my choice to give birth at home. It’s not something we can discuss for very long because it is something she’s very passionate about and holds strong feelings against it.
An RN who holds a key position in the Obstetrics department of a local hospital, she has the education to speak to the topic in an informed manner. She also believes strongly in what medical care can offer to women who wish to birth at a hospital.
While I have chosen to birth at home, I also value the importance of an obstetrician when one is needed. After all, I had a rather dramatic miscarriage last year that resulted in severe hemorrhaging. I am grateful that medical care was there when I needed it! I truly love and respect my friend. I simply disagree that every birth qualifies as a medical event.
However, since this friend isn’t the only person in my life who doesn’t understand why I choose to birth at home, I decided to offer a few thoughts on the matter.
I’m not going to quote a bunch of statistics about how home birth is safer than hospital birth. You can find statistics on both sides of the argument that will support whatever position you have decided to embrace.
After having a hospital birth the first time, I wanted to try something different. It wasn’t that I had terrible care, I just felt I might be more comfortable in a different environment. So, I did my research and concluded home birth to be a safe choice for our second birth. The decision was a positive one for both my husband and me. Here are a few of the reasons I love it.
I believe my female body is made to give birth safely and that birth is not an inherently dangerous or even “medical” experience most of the time. My midwife is well trained to recognize warning signs and we have a transport plan in place should we need it.
I love being comfortable in my own space.
I love that I can wear what I want – even if it is nothing.
I love being free to make noise and believe me, near the end, I do!
I love that my midwife respected my wishes not to constantly check the dilation of my cervix in order to give me progress reports that make me feel like I’m not moving fast enough. My hospital birth was very discouraging from this perspective.
I love being able to move around or be still without anyone trying to mess with me in the middle of a contraction – like checking my cervix when I really don’t want to be touched. (Are you getting that this is kind of a big deal for me?)
I love how fast my labor seemed to go at home. Second births are typically shorter but mine also felt less intense. On reflection, I think this is because I was distracted by other things I could do (and did) at home, like clean my kitchen, pick up, eat, and ask my husband to buy oranges from the store so I could make gingerbread cookies. At which point, he questioned whether I was really in labor! Did I make the cookies? Ahem. Well, I was pushing out a baby within about 2 hours of asking for the oranges so… No, silly. haha! But the thought that I was going to make them was a positive distraction.
I love that I can labor in my bathtub. In my hospital birth there were no birthing tubs but my doctor assured me the shower would do the same thing because the shower would relax my nerve endings. Well!!!! I can assure you it is NOT the same thing! Good grief. The anti-gravity affect of the bathtub was a game changer in my second birth. So relaxing. If only I’d had that in my first birth – of a 9lb 7 oz baby!
I love having my midwife in attendance the whole time, encouraging me, monitoring the baby and ensuring that everything is progressing smoothly. This is also Robert’s favorite part. He felt so much more comfortable with my midwife’s attendance at my birth than the doc at my hospital (though the doc was fine). My midwife’s 28+ years of midwife skills and impeccable record are reassuring. She and her apprentice aren’t whipping in and out of my room just to inform me whether I’m dilating fast enough. Their attention is not divided between me and the other patients in their care who may need more attention than me. My midwife and her apprentice watch me – and only me – closely to ensure I’m still feeling strong and that the baby is ok, the entire labor.
I love the constant presence and support I receive at home from people I know well and actually love. For me, nearly a year of meeting with my midwife and her apprentice formed a bond between us that was more than that of a caretaker. That bond helped my midwife to know when I needed that extra encouragement to finish the work ahead of me, “You know, when you decide to get serious about pushing, that baby is going to come right out!” and I trusted her enough to listen. And you know what? She was right!
I love that my baby and I are not exposed to super-germs at home that are often present in the hospital.
I love that no one is pushing me to take drugs to hurry things along or just to prove that I’m not trying to be a hero.
I love knowing that my body has the strength to introduce a new life to the world, without drugs. Regarding people who think women who birth without drugs trying to prove their “heroism”, I have no illusions on this point. Just ask friends who’ve known me for years and remember me losing consciousness whenever I experience something acutely or surprisingly painful (like getting my ears pierced, hitting my elbow on a locker or getting my measles booster shot). I am not joking. I have naturally low blood pressure, so I faint in these situations. It’s always been a source of embarrassment for me! Birth is different because it’s not an acute or sudden pain but more like waves of pressure that increase gradually, making the pain bearable.
I love how fast I recovered from my drug-free delivery. So different from the first time when I felt so disconnected from my baby and almost a little nuts after my epidural. Narcotics and me – Not a good combination!
So, those are a few of the reasons home birth works for me.
Based on my research, I believe there are times that hospital births put babies at higher risk because of unnecessary interventions. That doesn’t mean they can’t be safe. There are also many times OB’s and L&D nurses provide optimum care for their patients and save lives.
In either birthing environment, we can do our best to make wise, informed choices but in the end, the outcome isn’t really in our hands as mothers (or anyone else’s). My own faith in the divine leads me to believe that the best plan is to do the research, commit to a course of action with a care provider who shares our vision and move forward in confidence and without regret.
So friends – if you’re looking for a sermon on home birth from me or you want to feel guilty about your birth choice, you’re not gonna find it here!
How did you make choices about your birth?
