Category Archives: Uncategorized

The last two months I’ve been pretty silent. There’s a reason for that.

My progression to introversion started when I highlighted Domestic Violence in October. I had no idea what an insidious, commonplace and powerful evil this is in our culture and how unwilling many of us are to hold the real culprits accountable for their actions. In truth, the subject had such a powerful impact on my life, I needed time to process everything that happened as a result. I intend to write more at a later time – and introduce some more voices on that subject this year. I’m nowhere near done talking about DV.

And, just as I was going to talk about it some more, I almost cut off my finger in our RV gate.

That was special.

Incidentally, DGirl “saved the day” for me that day – but finding my cell phone to call Daddy (our hero!) as I planted my bum on the asphalt of our parking lot and prayed that I wouldn’t pass out while we were waiting for Rob to get home.
(BTW, finger’s all healed and while I don’t think I’ve ever been ungrateful for my hands, there’s no way I’ll take them for granted after this!)

In November, Rob released his first solo album for a great cause and we had an awesome concert to celebrate.

After the concert, we started the lovely merry-go-round of illness that winter brings, with one after another of us being sick briefly. A week off, a week on with new illness hitting only some of us at times – right through the busiest part of our Christmas performance schedule. I cannot complain because we all recovered fairly quickly – but the duration and isolation was quite demoralizing.

Somewhere along the line, I threw myself a party. So, it wasn’t the fun kind with balloons and spiked punch. Nah.

Yeah, instead of a cool party, I threw the kind where you get to feel sorry for yourself while wondering if you’re ever gonna manage to put up the tree before Christmas (we did – the weekend before!), get the presents wrapped (we did – Christmas morning!) and if you’ll ever be able to find your bed under the mountain of clean laundry that has created an Everest like monument on the bed because it’s not yet folded. In short, I was in survival mode, and not the one where I was singing “I’m a survivor”.

More like, “It’s my party, I can cry if I want to”.

In retrospect, while I was feeling all bad for myself about my obvious incompetencies (ha!), I managed to get everything done anyway – even if it wasn’t the way I’d originally planned them.

Suddenly, my good sense returned and I realized I was being Ri-DICK-u-LOUS.

But in all honesty, I still felt pretty discouraged about some things I am struggling with in my life.

Things that I’ve chosen and am normally cool with…that is, until I’m so sleep deprived I start hallucinating. (Yes, I realize that’s WAAAAY too tired!)

We all feel that way sometimes. (the discouraged part – hopefully not the hallucinating!)

I decided to be honest and really vulnerable with a few friends who encouraged me.

I gave myself a deadline to stop moping around and then I gave myself –

a kick ass motivational speech.

That’s right.

I’m back.

Get outta the way, yo’!!!!

Whoa.

Got a little carried away with my bad self, there.

Well, it was a good speech. 😉

I’m about to share that motivational speech with you in the next few weeks.

So stay tuned, friends. I’m back and I can’t wait for us to catch up!

Yesterday, I wrote a post about the stupid questions people often ask mothers. It was meant to be funny and reassuring to mothers in general. Whether we work outside the home or not, motherhood is one of (or THE) most challenging/paradigm shifting experience many of us will ever face. Being responsible for the guidance another person is a profound responsibility.

Though most responses overwhelmingly positive, I received an immediate criticism. I debated approving it because the writer obviously didn’t read my post in the spirit in which it was written. From her comment, she appears to be a working mom who feels judged for working outside the home. I realized she was feeling something that so many working moms feel and I wanted to give her a chance to air her feelings too. Here’s what she said,

“First of all, I’m sorry you are asked ridiculous questions. Secondly, please don’t categorize all mothers who work outside of the home into the “see our children one hour a night and have killer wardrobes.” Many of us go without the extras, make our children a priority, but have to work. I am sorry you feel judged but please don’t cast judgement on others. Thanks.” – Crystal

Oh Crystal – Let me be clear. I started this blog to ENCOURAGE mamas in their parenting journey. Judging a mom for her choice to work (whether financially or otherwise necessitated), is not my thing. I always, always want to offer support, helpful information and a little humor in this parenting journey.

So, I’m not passing judgment on your position as a working mom. I’m not qualified to speak to what your choice should be in this area because I have not walked in your shoes! When I talked about a killer wardrobe and one hour a night with my kids, I was speaking of the job I formerly held and how it would have affected my parenting experience. My staying home is my choice and one I know not all moms have the freedom to make.

We moms have strongly opinions about what is BEST for our families. It’s easy to speak derisively about another person’s situation when we haven’t lived where they are. We all have unique financial, emotional, spiritual, relationship situations and there is no “one size fits all” solution.

Yet we like the “us vs. them” mentality. It makes us feel good to know we picked the “winning” side. If I’m with the “us” group, I feel accepted and justified in whatever I’m doing that the “us” crowd supports. A conversation I overheard at the park last week between two women illustrates this perfectly.

My eavesdropping was unintentional. I was 20 feet away but these two moms were so loud, I could hear them over the sounds of kids shouting and playing. They were speaking about another mother.

Mom 1: “Her husband took a day off to help her with the kids. And she spent the day ‘blogging’.” (Ha! Was this convo about me?)

Mom 2: “That is NOT how I’d spend my day if my husband came home to help.”

Mom 1, heavy sarcasm: “Me either. Well, I guess that is why their relationship works. He doesn’t seem to mind.” (disbelieving shrug)

Both moms shook their heads in disgust then continued to talk about this other women for at least 10 more minutes, detailing her obviously misguided (to them) choices.

As I moved on to another part of the park with DGirl and Giant Baby, I pondered their conversation.

Parenting is such a minefield. We want to make the best choices for our children. So we research obsessively, talk with friends and become experts on our kids. We band together with those who agree with us. When faced with a mom who doesn’t subscribe to the parenting philosophy we’ve developed with such care, research and passion, we act like park moms and take out the competition.

This picture does not exemplify the practice of kindness that most of us strive to teach our children. Knowing as we do how much it hurts to be critiqued for our life choices, especially those that touch such a profoundly personal area, why do we do it to other moms who are struggling to do the same?

My personal belief is that being confronted with someone who doesn’t agree with our parenting decisions challenges our deeply held beliefs about parenting and brings us face to face with our own insecurities as parents.

That fear – “Am I doing it right?” bubbles up in the quiet of the night, when the kids are sleeping and we’re assessing how the day went. In my own personal daily recap to Rob, I frequently find myself lacking.

But rather than face that fear or deal with it in a healthy way, it’s easier to avoid or blast that mama whose choices don’t match ours.

Friends – we need to stop being our own worst enemies! We women are pros at cutting each other to shreds. Instead of using our unique power of feminine nurturing to heal and strengthen each other, we slash at and eat our sister mamas. We act like those park moms and we quote social, religious and scientific data points to justify our cannibalism.

There are pros and cons to all the choices we make as parents. No matter what we choose, there’s a tradeoff somewhere. My staying home is our family’s choice but the tradeoff is that we have a slim financial margin and I don’t get a break from my kids very often. Both of those things create stress that have the potential to affect  my relationship with Rob and with our kids. It also means we don’t do things that we can’t afford.

But, Robert and I are committed to each other and we work through those moments of stress. It’s a tradeoff we’re willing to make for now. The tradeoffs are different and just as real for parents who work outside the home.

As someone so wisely reminded me this morning, big parenting decisions like these are ones you make with the information you have at the moment and the situation you’re currently experiencing. When those inputs change – your decision may evolve as well.

Each family has to make the decision that is best for their family.

So my message today is –

Moms, dads, concerned family members… As long as we’re talking about attentive, non-abusive parents, we have the same goal here. We love our kids, we are doing the best we can with the information we have to love them, put food on the table and teach them what they need to know about life.

Instead of tearing each other apart, why not circle the wagons and support each other?

What would happen if instead of criticizing those whose opinions don’t align with ours, we chose to learn from them?

This week, I’m paying close attention to my words and actions. Am I encouraging other mamas in their journey to make wise choices about their families or am I at the park, gossiping about how I do it better?

I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. Please share your comments below so other moms can benefit from your experience.

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My previous post was on staying healthy. But even the most careful of us succumb to that winter cold from time to time.  Here’s what we do to recover fast.

1. Rest! You knew I was gonna say this right? When my kids or husband show signs of illness, I send them to bed for naps or early bedtime. Sometimes, we avoid illness completely with a few extra zzzzzzzzz’s. This is not a time for a ten mile run!

2. Moisturize. As in, sinuses and lungs. I make my kids take 2 (short) steamy showers a day when they’re congested before putting them back into bed. We shut the door and steam up the room. Then, I encourage them to breathe deeply and get that steam into their nasal passages and lungs. A cold mist humidifier is another great tool once they’re back in bed. And for mom or dad, a warm washcloth on a congested head or cheek sometimes works wonders. I don’t recommend it for kids.

3. Saline. Neti pots or even sprays like Simply Saline (no preservatives) are great solutions to both moisten the nasal passages and kill bacteria that leads to more serious problems like sinus or ear infections.

4. Extra fluids.  Extra fluids are imperative when the body is fighting off illness. I push liquids like a drug kingpin when my family is sick. And, while I encourage water, sick days are a time I like to boost my family’s liquids with extra nutrients. Here are a few favorites:

• Lemonade – Lemons contain Vitamin C and won’t create extra congestion like orange juice will. Simple squeeze a fresh lemon into 2 cups of water (more or less to taste) and add some raw honey or maple syrup. I’m not talking about Aunt Jemima’s corn syrup stuff, people!!! Use real maple syrup.
• Cherry Cough Stop Tea – If you want to get fancy about your drinks, this is a great one! I posted it previously after compiling from several similar recipes.

5. Echinacea tincture. Available at local health food stores – tinctures are simply the properties of herbs extracted into a liquid medium like glycerin, vinegar or alcohol. We only use a few drops of the tincture at a time and drink at regular intervals till we see improvement.

6. Vicks. Yep. It’s an old remedy but it works. Our kids have very sensitive skin so we use it on the bottoms of their feet and cover with old socks rather than rubbing it on their chests. It still works! I know purists won’t like that it contains petroleum jelly but for mainstream parents it’s more natural than a lot of other options.

7. Eucalyptus essential oil.  Place a few drops (seriously, not more – it’s strong!)  in a humidifier or even on an old rag near the bed for surprisingly powerful lung and nasal passage opening action! If the eucalyptus is too strong, adding a few drops of lavender will balance out the scent.

DO NOT leave Essential oils ANYWHERE that a child can access them. Essential oils are the most concentrated and therefore, most dangerous version of herbs. Treat them like the powerful medicines they are and don’t leave them anywhere your kids can reach them!

8. Avoid over the counter medications like cough syrup and decongestants. We haven’t ever used these with our kids. These medications often contain dyes or ingredients we don’t want our kids to ingest. They also mask the symptoms of illness and create a false sense of “health” that encourages the user to keep working instead of resting and kicking the sick bug. Result? Longer illness cycle. Just GO TO BED!

9. Elevate! This one is from my mom. When we had coughs as kids, she’d have us sleep a little more upright – with pillows or lifting the mattress a bit. It works!

Can’t imagine life without your cough medicine? Do an experiment. PUT DOWN the cough medicine and use old fashioned common sense instead. It might take your body a few cycles of illness to figure out what to do but you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel after a while! Plus, think of the money you’ll save not buying that stuff!

You’ve heard me say it before and you know I’ll say it forever. The best remedies to get healthy and stay healthy are rest and nourishment! Don’t look for ways to mask your symptoms. Symptoms are your body’s way of telling you what is wrong and what you need to do to get better. Some of these tips seem so very elementary and non-magical but when we follow them at our house as soon as we feel sickness coming on, it’s only at our house for a day or two versus dragging on for weeks. Sometimes the simplest remedies are truly the best.

Give it a try and be well!

*As always, I’ll remind you that I am not a doctor.  These are common sense remedies I use for my family, especially because they support the immune system rather than simply masking the symptoms of illness. I have taken the time to research any herbal recipes carefully myself and have consulted with my local herbalist and doctor. I encourage you to always do the same before choosing to take or administer any kind of remedy, whether herbal, prescription or off the shelf at a local drugstore.**