***If you are faint of heart, this may not be a post for you. It contains frank and graphic descriptions of blood and loss. ***
Up until last week, my family and I were happily anticipating the opportunity to announce the impending arrival of our third little one. We wanted to wait till I was a little further along to let everyone know. Unfortunately, my news today is not the happy announcement I was planning. This is part three of our story.
A Miscarriage and an Unexpected Turn of Events, part 2.
Time passed so quickly. I found myself needing to be in the bathroom more and more often. I felt pressure like I needed to push but if I stood, blood gushed out between my legs. We put a towel on the bathroom floor and I lay there between contractions.
Around 2:30 am, I had 4 or 5 of those rushes of blood in a very short time. I felt lightheaded and I knew I was in trouble. Rob asked if he should call our midwife but I told him to call 911.
While he was on the phone, I lost consciousness. Rob kept waking me and I tried hard to stay focused but apparently I passed out several times.
When the paramedics arrived, my bp was 59/4-? (after I heard the 59 I sorta missed the second part). I knew the situation was serious but reassured them, “Don’t worry guys, I’m going to be ok.” The paramedic taking my BP looked at me (probably wondering if I had any idea what was happening) and said, “Well, we’re taking you in right now.”
I laughed and found my reply was slurred, “That would be nice.” I think my mother-in-law arrived around this time to watch the girls and I remember being relieved that Robert would be able to come with me to the hospital.
As six strong guys carried me out into the night, Rob threw my special blanket over me. I bought it in Mexico on a missions trip almost 20 years ago and it’s been through a lot with me.
It was cold outside but time seemed to stand still for a moment as I caught a glimpse of the nearly full moon through the pine trees I’d rested under earlier. I breathed deeply and memorized the picture of my favorite tree for the journey that lay ahead.
The paramedics took me to the nearest hospital instead of going to my preference. It was a difference of 7 minutes and they seemed to think it was an important time difference. I arrived alone because Robert needed to drive.
At the hospital, the nurses buzzed around me for a few minutes, checking the IV the medics had put in and adding other things to my IV cocktail. I felt so weak. Robert soon arrived to watch over me.
The next several hours are a bit of a blur. I could see my monitor and knew the instability of my vitals meant I was in bad shape but I intentionally decided not to dwell on it too deeply. In fact, I kept thinking, “Those numbers can’t be right. They must not have my blood pressure cuff on right.”
I tried to use mind over matter and when my systolic rate dropped to 70, I told myself “Go back up! Go back up!” It doesn’t work by the way. I guess it kept plunging to the 50’s and 60’s.
Unaware that I was losing consciousness so frequently, I focused, in my lucid moments, to breathe deeply and think of my family. I kept telling myself, “I’m staying here. I AM STAYING HERE.”
I talked and joked with nurses and tried to convince them to give me one little ice cube because I was so thirsty. They said no.
I had the uncomfortable experience of trying to use a bedpan while laying down. So.not.comfortable and I had to go so badly!
I remember having an ultrasound and the ER doc doing a pelvic exam and trying to clear out whatever was causing the bleeding. The ER staff explained when something is left in the uterus after a miscarriage, it can cause severe bleeding and require a D&C.
The exam was a traumatic experience. The ER doctor was rough even when I asked him to be gentle and warn me when he was about to do something so I could relax and make the experience easier on both of us. He ignored me and jabbed away down there.
My kind nurses held my hands and began to warn me, “Suction, forceps, suction…” so I could be prepared. They were so encouraging.
I remember thinking that this would be pretty scary if I’d let myself actually think about it. I remember wondering whether I would ever want to be pregnant again should I recover.
Every so often, I felt a gush of blood between my legs and I would pass out. I thought I’d passed out 5 or 6 times throughout the early morning but Rob says it was more like 10 or 12 and that I was out of it for the better part of four hours. That explains why I don’t remember a lot of that night.
The next time I woke, several of my nurses and my doctor were standing at the end of my bed and my doctor said, “We’re transferring you to the ICU where you’ll get blood transfusions and have a D&C.”
After they left, my sweet ER nurse came over to me and held my hand. She said, “I don’t want you to be afraid. You are going to be ok. Don’t worry.” I knew she was a little worried from the way her eyes widened when she said it (I think I’ve watched too much “Lie to me” – Haha!) but I appreciated her kindness and chose to believe her.
A Miscarriage and an Unexpected Turn of Events, part 4.
Losing a baby can leave us feeling isolated. I shared my experience in the hopes that it will help other women know they aren’t alone. If you know someone who would be encouraged by this post, please share it.
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