We all have to make choices about the way we give birth – up to a point. I’ve made two distinctly different choices in my two birthing experiences and have to say, I vastly preferred the home version. Both were a learning experience and of course, I wouldn’t trade the little person I gained in each situation!
The first time I chose to birth in a hospital because my husband wanted it. He had never been around pregnant people much and was nervous, influenced by the many comments we’d heard about the many “dangers” of birth. Since I knew I could birth “naturally” anywhere, I agreed to a hospital birth. Though I did my best to be prepared, being new to motherhood, I didn’t really know what to expect for a first birth.
Namely, no one told me that First labors usually take a long time!
I eventually gave birth on Monday around noon but I started feeling the pangs of labor the previous Friday.
In my first pregnancy, I never really felt any Braxton Hicks. You know those “practice” contractions that you’re supposed to have in the last few months? It’s not really all that uncommon not to feel them the first time. So, when I started having contractions on a Friday afternoon about a week and a half prior to my due date, I knew it was time. I could tell from my size and inability to walk without a distinct waddle that there was a big baby in there and I was definitely ready to give birth!
Friday and Saturday night I tried to rest but it was difficult. I had contractions throughout both nights so neither Rob nor I got much sleep. I was pretty tired on Saturday but we met my parents for breakfast and went home to rest afterward. We called the doctor and she said that we’d probably be having a baby over the weekend so I should try to get some rest.
Sunday morning was different – YAY!!! My water broke at exactly 9 am. This was a huge joke for us since I am a vocalist and worked at a church at the time. My director constantly teased me about my water breaking at the 9 am service. Who knew he’d be right? Lucky for him, instead of getting ready to sing a solo, I was hanging out in bed while Rob made breakfast for me.
We wanted to stay at home as long as possible but after my water broke we headed to the hospital pretty quickly. After checking in around noon, we gave the staff our simple birth plan stating we’d like our birth to be as free of interventions as possible but that depending on safety and my own endurance (HA!), we would be relying on their experience for guidance.
By the time I settled into my room, unencumbered by a baby monitor or an epidural, I was dealing with some intense contractions. However, they seemed manageable in the sense that as they became progressively stronger, I felt I could handle the sensation if I stayed calm and focused on breathing. The intensity of the contractions continued through the night till the next morning. I was surprised because I thought I’d have had a baby by then but grateful that I’d managed so long without drugs.
About twenty-four hours after my water broke, I’d made little progress. In fact, I stayed between 4-5 cm for over 12 hours. Talk about discouraging!! Since my baby wasn’t in distress and I had no fever, my doc told me I could continue naturally. But, I was so tired after three nights with poor sleep and I wasn’t sure I’d have enough strength to push when I was so exhausted. At my suggestion, Robert was asleep on the couch so I felt alone and unsure of what to do.
NOTE: This is where a midwife would have been a BIG help!!! Encouragement at the perfect moment is one of the benefits of a midwife who stays with you the entire birth.
Around 7:30 am on Monday, I chose to take an epidural and pitocin to move things alone. Almost immediately, I needed oxygen. And, despite the epi, I could feel those pitocin contractions! I rested (well, as much as you can feeling contractions) and dilated to ten with no problem. Four hours later, I gave birth at the complete direction of the doctor (since I had no feeling in my legs). When she emerged around noon, she was a healthy 9lbs, 7 oz. Small surprise it took so long for her to show!
I don’t regret my choice to accept interventions for this birth, but I do wish I’d had some other tools to help me get through the experience. A doula or midwife would have been an huge help because either could have told me that the length of labor I went through for my first was really normal. That might have encouraged me to keep going (or not – I was pretty tired).
A birth tub would have helped too because it really relieves the pressure of a heavy baby pressing down on the, er, nether regions. It would also have allowed me to stay upright instead of lying down while pushing. This would have allowed me to use 25% more of my pelvic floor than I used since I birthed on my back. It might have prevented me from tearing as badly as I did. As it was, the tear took weeks to heal and the codeine I took for the pain had strong side effects on me as well as my baby.
I also wish I’d understood more clearly what exactly comprises an epidural. The narcotics cocktail it contained left me feeling ambivalent about the birth experience, disconnected from my daughter and a little like clawing the ceiling. It was weeks before I felt the connection I expected to have with my daughter. Also, I seriously struggled with post-partum depression after this baby.
I appreciate that my L&D staff never pushed me to take drugs. They were very supportive of my choice for natural birth throughout my labor. But, I do wish I’d had a wise mom person to encourage me to hang in there or suggest some different birthing positions when I felt too tired to go on. While my OB was knowledgeable and kind, she only popped in to let me know if I was “progressing” in a timely manner. That can be discouraging if you’ve never done it before and don’t know that first labors are often a long process.
Regardless, I was really glad to have that little baby at the end of all the hard work and I still felt amazing knowing I’d given birth to a new little life!
